One of Everything

As summer clicks over into autumn, which is March to anyone out there from outside Australia, I have just realised I have gotten through a Christmas, New Years’ Eve, my birthday and Valentines Day on my own.  Next to tackle is Easter and then I should be done.  Hopefully.  Or, I will just have learned how to manage it.  Dr Phil (disclaimer, I do not watch him, a friend told me about this segment) apparently says that you need to go through one of everything in order to start getting over the worst of a separation/divorce/loss of a loved one.  So one Christmas, one birthday, one anniversary etc – you get my drift.  There may be some truth to that.  Because every day is a little bit easier than the last.  The hardest part of this whole situation is feeling lonely.  Not all the time, just some of the time.

 

Recently someone said to me they feel for me not having family in the state I live and how did I cope on my own without siblings or parents around.  And the simple answer is, they haven’t been around, physically at least, for 26 years.  I don’t deny on a Sunday it would be nice to go and see my dad and mum, or cook them dinner every now and then.  Or see my niece when I want as opposed to twice a year.  But at the end of the day I learned to live without them in my life a very long time ago.  Doesn’t mean I don’t miss them though.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with, as a single person, is weekends.  There are only so many weekends you can spend on your own – especially in summer when I want to be outdoors doing things (it is hard to bbq for one..  So this summer I haven't enjoyed one bbq'd meal - I am gutted!  Seriously, I am devastated I just realised that).  Don’t get me wrong I have friends, not squillions but a good few, but they are all married with kids so the time I spend with them is quality not quantity.  Sometimes we go weeks without communicating.  It is just the way it is.  In an ideal world I'd be 44 and have a raft of single friends who could go out for dinner or spend the weekend away..  Yeah, that's not reality.

 

Another challenge is saying out loud you need help.  Whether it be to do something domesticated around the house or because you need advice on something…  When you live on your own you don’t want to bother people, so you tend to try to solve things on your own.  The same person who told me they feel for me not being surrounded by family also gave me some good advice about asking for help, when I admitted I don’t ever ask.  They said (not verbatim, but you’ll get the drift): “How do you ever expect people to know you need/want help if you aren’t prepared to ask.  The world is too busy today to notice you need help, you need to ask for it or it’ll just pass you by”.  I’ll keep working on that.   Maybe one day I will learn to ask for help out loud. For now the cat has the privilege of listening to me.  On the upside I have perfected a lot of "McGyveresque" type maneuvers.  Just when I thought I couldn't fix something, hey presto, I come up with a great idea.

So this has to change.  This being lonely thing that is.  I have given in and googled what people can do on their own on weekends.  I am now armed with a list of things a mile long.  From going to country markets to spending a weekend in the mountains at a spa resort (their web site outlines what I can do there for 24 hours as a single!!) to catching a movie – there are plenty of things I can do.  And I am going to start doing them.  As soon as I get back from seeing my family.  3 sleeps till I hug my niece, take the mickey out of my sister and sit there in companionable silence with my dad just watching tv.

I can sit at home and while the hours away with the cat or I can get off my butt and get out and about.  I’ll do the latter.  Who knows, I may meet new people and someone to take some of the loneliness out of weekends…  Here’s hoping!  xx