So. 2016. You weren't great. But you weren't too bad either. You were a definite improvement on 2015. So I'll take that.
As I sit here on NYE still unpacking and trying to find places to stash things (one really needs to declutter in 2017), looking forward to going to a friends house a littler later today to see in the NY, I thought I'd jot a few things down I am grateful for that came out of 2016.
Buying my own home is # 1. I had no idea I could be so happy to get home. A far cry from living in the ghettos only a few short weeks ago. It is small, I paid a premium but it is mine and Lil's.
Travelling to Cananda and Cuba for a month is # 2. Who knew I had it in me, at 44 (ok, nearly 45) to go it alone for that long. But I did and I am super proud I created so many beautiful memories.
Meeting the person I shall always refer to as "my hippy" is # 3. It started with a lot of laughs and fun, taught me so much about just breathing and relaxing and then it was over (don't get me wrong it was terribly painful at times, but we tend to remember the good bits, don't we?). Thank you, you taught me so much. I still miss you, you were this huge part of my life for 10 months and then you were gone. As hippies have a tendency to do when they feel tied down. Be safe, take care of yourself. I think of you often.
Starting the foster to adopt program is # 4. I still have a very long way to go but maybe this time next year I will be getting ready to go to the 9pm fireworks instead of the midnight ones? I live in hope.
2017 is about continuing to learn to relax, breath and being mindful. It is about forgiveness and letting go of the past. Getting myself back on track (and I started that this year but it shall continue) and living. It is being grateful that Lily is happy and content these days, a far cry from 2 years ago.
It is going back to the gym, starting to cook again (I think I have shares in microwave meals, most of them rubbish) and appreciating what is in front of me.
2017 is no more tears. About getting out there and socialising. Trying new things.
Happy New Year to anyone out there reading this. I hope the year ahead is filled with love, laughter and new experiences.
Axxxx
Saturday, 31 December 2016
Sunday, 18 December 2016
My Week In Review
It has been a week.. A week of.. You won't believe it..
Earlier this week:
Tuesday: I moved house in 39 degree heat. Who cares I hear you say.. I don't. But the removalist might of..
Tuesday (part 2):
That moment when you're standing around watching removalists do their thing and say to the 20 year old: "I feel like a shag on a rock". Perfectly innocent saying I thought. But he just looks confused. I realise he has no idea what I'm taking about. Embarrassing. But not as embarrassing at error # 2. Same kid comes down the stairs, head down, saying you've left shoes upstairs. I go to get said shoes. Let's just say he'd unearthed a box (empty) I thought I'd thrown out a long time ago after a hens night. Nope. Dying of laughter all day was I. Cheers. I survived the heat. I moved on the hottest day in Sydney in 150 years. Yep, don't do things in halves.
Thursday:
That moment when you are laying there half asleep, feeling very happy and warm. Suddenly you feel someone pull at your arm so instinctively you let out a blood curling scream and punch your right arm out, connecting with intruders face. Then you feel a searing pain in your right arm and naturally assume you have been stabbed, so again you scream (louder). A second or two passes and you realise you are not in your bedroom but in the consulting room in a doctors surgery and the... person you have punched (in the face) is indeed the doctor who has come to remove the acupuncture needles from your arm. Yep, I hadn't been stabbed, nor had an intruder broken into my house. I had fallen into a deep sleep (how does this happen when you are having acupuncture??) and the searing pain was the pulsating needles I had dislodged from my arm when I punched the doctor in the face. Half the surgery came running and I died 1000 deaths on the bed, wondering how the hell I was going to face the "outside" world. I need a holiday (another one). I have made a hobby of making a moron of myself this week. Oh well, time to find a new acupuncturist I suspect.
Sunday:
Lily is quite the bloody escape artist!! I hung my wreath on my door and she must have slipped past me - so she was out wandering the halls for 15 minutes!! I hear this meowing - couldn't work out where it was coming from - realised, opened the front door and there she is sitting on the mat!!! Turd of a cat. On the upside she knows her new front door.
And finally...
Sunday:
My dad rang me a while ago. My Nan had a really bad fall yesterday. She has a fractured cheek, broken ribs and a bleed on the brain. There's nothing that can be done. I haven't seen her in 10 years, my mum hasn't seen her in 15. It is what it is. It is another story for another day. But rest assured there is a conversation to be had in my family.
Go Nanna, if that is what you want. I love you so very much. I am so sorry I haven't seen you, in for ever, it wasn't my fault. I promise you, you were such an important part of my life and I will remember you always.
Axxxx
Earlier this week:
Tuesday: I moved house in 39 degree heat. Who cares I hear you say.. I don't. But the removalist might of..
Tuesday (part 2):
That moment when you're standing around watching removalists do their thing and say to the 20 year old: "I feel like a shag on a rock". Perfectly innocent saying I thought. But he just looks confused. I realise he has no idea what I'm taking about. Embarrassing. But not as embarrassing at error # 2. Same kid comes down the stairs, head down, saying you've left shoes upstairs. I go to get said shoes. Let's just say he'd unearthed a box (empty) I thought I'd thrown out a long time ago after a hens night. Nope. Dying of laughter all day was I. Cheers. I survived the heat. I moved on the hottest day in Sydney in 150 years. Yep, don't do things in halves.
Thursday:
That moment when you are laying there half asleep, feeling very happy and warm. Suddenly you feel someone pull at your arm so instinctively you let out a blood curling scream and punch your right arm out, connecting with intruders face. Then you feel a searing pain in your right arm and naturally assume you have been stabbed, so again you scream (louder). A second or two passes and you realise you are not in your bedroom but in the consulting room in a doctors surgery and the... person you have punched (in the face) is indeed the doctor who has come to remove the acupuncture needles from your arm. Yep, I hadn't been stabbed, nor had an intruder broken into my house. I had fallen into a deep sleep (how does this happen when you are having acupuncture??) and the searing pain was the pulsating needles I had dislodged from my arm when I punched the doctor in the face. Half the surgery came running and I died 1000 deaths on the bed, wondering how the hell I was going to face the "outside" world. I need a holiday (another one). I have made a hobby of making a moron of myself this week. Oh well, time to find a new acupuncturist I suspect.
Sunday:
Lily is quite the bloody escape artist!! I hung my wreath on my door and she must have slipped past me - so she was out wandering the halls for 15 minutes!! I hear this meowing - couldn't work out where it was coming from - realised, opened the front door and there she is sitting on the mat!!! Turd of a cat. On the upside she knows her new front door.
And finally...
Sunday:
My dad rang me a while ago. My Nan had a really bad fall yesterday. She has a fractured cheek, broken ribs and a bleed on the brain. There's nothing that can be done. I haven't seen her in 10 years, my mum hasn't seen her in 15. It is what it is. It is another story for another day. But rest assured there is a conversation to be had in my family.
Go Nanna, if that is what you want. I love you so very much. I am so sorry I haven't seen you, in for ever, it wasn't my fault. I promise you, you were such an important part of my life and I will remember you always.
Axxxx
Monday, 12 December 2016
Pride
I am so proud of me right now. So very proud. I managed, on my own, to buy my own place. I negotiated with the real estate (quite well may I add), managed my broker (don't be fooled, you've got to stay on top of them) and my solicitor (he's actually very good, old school, but very thorough).
I have spent the last 3 weeks packing, okay, in between melt downs, and planning my move before Christmas. I have managed a full time job in between doing everything needed to buy a home. I have tried to plan my trip home (one week after I move) to ensure everyone has presents and the week I am home is filled with love and laughter (not that presents constitute love and laughter but you get my drift, one has to be prepared. By the way I have failed dismally at this. Gift vouchers anyone??).
So tomorrow dawns a new day. It is the day I move forward after an interesting two years? I ask that as a question as I am still not sure I will get my shit together, but I will give it a damn good try.
2016 was nowhere near as hard as 2015. Yet it presented its own challenges. Most wo/man made (read, I created them). I spent 10 moths "dating" someone and I use the term loosely, only to wake up at the end of 2016 still single (he found internet dating and social media, apparently it was far more interesting than I. I know, it floored me as well.. I have to say that - it's called self preservation). Am I sad. Yes. Is it going to define me in 2017? No.
I am moving tomorrow, to my new home, just Lily Cat and I. I am excited. Scared. Worried about being a responsible home owner who needs to shut her mouth at work in order to pay said home loan (save me, god give me strength) and most of all, scared I am going to be lonely. That's not new - but lonely in a new place in new.
So cross your fingers for me. This time tomorrow it is all over. The moving that is. The rest is all in front of me.
Ax
P.S. I miss you.
I have spent the last 3 weeks packing, okay, in between melt downs, and planning my move before Christmas. I have managed a full time job in between doing everything needed to buy a home. I have tried to plan my trip home (one week after I move) to ensure everyone has presents and the week I am home is filled with love and laughter (not that presents constitute love and laughter but you get my drift, one has to be prepared. By the way I have failed dismally at this. Gift vouchers anyone??).
So tomorrow dawns a new day. It is the day I move forward after an interesting two years? I ask that as a question as I am still not sure I will get my shit together, but I will give it a damn good try.
2016 was nowhere near as hard as 2015. Yet it presented its own challenges. Most wo/man made (read, I created them). I spent 10 moths "dating" someone and I use the term loosely, only to wake up at the end of 2016 still single (he found internet dating and social media, apparently it was far more interesting than I. I know, it floored me as well.. I have to say that - it's called self preservation). Am I sad. Yes. Is it going to define me in 2017? No.
I am moving tomorrow, to my new home, just Lily Cat and I. I am excited. Scared. Worried about being a responsible home owner who needs to shut her mouth at work in order to pay said home loan (save me, god give me strength) and most of all, scared I am going to be lonely. That's not new - but lonely in a new place in new.
So cross your fingers for me. This time tomorrow it is all over. The moving that is. The rest is all in front of me.
Ax
P.S. I miss you.
Thursday, 17 November 2016
White Ribbon Day
The 25th of November signifies a very special place in my heart. I think we all know that. White Ribbon Day. #stoptheviolence
I wrote a blog about five years ago. You will find it here: It Can Happen To Anyone
It outlines the life of someone who never thought they would end up in the situation they did. Once you read that blog, continue on and read how that person still lives with what happened, if not every day, then at least every now and then.
In 2016, 16 years after she left the violence, when she was in a situation where she felt quite safe and okay. He then raised his hand. Let me explain.
About 9 months ago, she was with a friend. Eating dinner. Relaxing on the balcony. Laughing. Feeling safe.
He was telling a story. They were laughing. So much. So relaxed. So happy. He then threw his hand in the air, to embellish a story. It was so innocent.
As he threw his hand she jumped. She did more than jump. She shimmied so far away from the table it was like she had heard a bad 80's song and was about to dive under the table, shamed at being caught recognising a song that was so old..
He stopped. He looked confused. She was like a deer in head lights. Then it dawned on him and he said: "I'm sorry, did you think I was going to... Hit you?.."
It was me. Of course it was me. You knew that? Right?
I didn't tell him the story that night, I created another story that soon had us laughing (something about mosquitos).... I was too ashamed. How do you tell someone about that period of your life? How do you say "I was that person"? I was one of the people that the "whiteribbon campaign" is about?
And then I sucked it up. And I carried on. Because I am ashamed. But I shouldn't be. But I am. I still have panic attacks. Occasionally I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest. I create not so great scenarios in my head. And then I cop on.
I am a successful woman. I have a good job. I have a good life. But there are still scars. But they are in my head. They are not physical. Sometimes I wish they were physical. Because physical scars fade. Mental scars affect your every day life. Not every day, but certainly they play a part in the person become. You do stupid things that you regret 2 minutes later, simply because you have flash backs and react to situations you feel you have no "control over". You become this person that has to control EVERY outcome. And that leads to heart ache. So you see, even 16.5 years later, this period of my life plays a part in my life today.
But I am one of the lucky ones. I'm here telling you this - so many others are not so lucky. So I live with my mistakes, I breath and I cop on.
I wrote a blog about five years ago. You will find it here: It Can Happen To Anyone
It outlines the life of someone who never thought they would end up in the situation they did. Once you read that blog, continue on and read how that person still lives with what happened, if not every day, then at least every now and then.
In 2016, 16 years after she left the violence, when she was in a situation where she felt quite safe and okay. He then raised his hand. Let me explain.
About 9 months ago, she was with a friend. Eating dinner. Relaxing on the balcony. Laughing. Feeling safe.
He was telling a story. They were laughing. So much. So relaxed. So happy. He then threw his hand in the air, to embellish a story. It was so innocent.
As he threw his hand she jumped. She did more than jump. She shimmied so far away from the table it was like she had heard a bad 80's song and was about to dive under the table, shamed at being caught recognising a song that was so old..
He stopped. He looked confused. She was like a deer in head lights. Then it dawned on him and he said: "I'm sorry, did you think I was going to... Hit you?.."
It was me. Of course it was me. You knew that? Right?
I didn't tell him the story that night, I created another story that soon had us laughing (something about mosquitos).... I was too ashamed. How do you tell someone about that period of your life? How do you say "I was that person"? I was one of the people that the "whiteribbon campaign" is about?
And then I sucked it up. And I carried on. Because I am ashamed. But I shouldn't be. But I am. I still have panic attacks. Occasionally I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest. I create not so great scenarios in my head. And then I cop on.
I am a successful woman. I have a good job. I have a good life. But there are still scars. But they are in my head. They are not physical. Sometimes I wish they were physical. Because physical scars fade. Mental scars affect your every day life. Not every day, but certainly they play a part in the person become. You do stupid things that you regret 2 minutes later, simply because you have flash backs and react to situations you feel you have no "control over". You become this person that has to control EVERY outcome. And that leads to heart ache. So you see, even 16.5 years later, this period of my life plays a part in my life today.
But I am one of the lucky ones. I'm here telling you this - so many others are not so lucky. So I live with my mistakes, I breath and I cop on.
Sunday, 30 October 2016
Cuba - Part 4 - Trinidad
Trinidad Cuba not to be confused with Trinidad and Tobago took 8 hours to drive from Havana.It was a long day..
Trinidad is a cobbled town, so don't take your high heels, it is flats all the way! The roads are uneven and full of pot holes. It is a quaint town, with a population of approximately 138,000.
I didn't like it nearly as much as Vinales but I suppose that was to be expected as it has a population of about 129,000 more. The only way I can describe my feelings towards Trinidad is I thought it was sleazy.. This could be because I wandered the town with a few women from the tour and we were propositioned at every new street. Either that or laughed at. For what reason we are still not sure.
I really don't have anything else to say about Trinidad, it wasn't my favourite town in Cuba and there were no real redeeming features to be honest..
I stayed in a nice casa but the hosts weren't as friendly as Tita and her family. I got a little ill here as well. So did my travelling companion. As she is a vegetarian we had no food in common for the whole day so I put it down to the welcome guava juice we got when we arrived at our shared casa. It wasn't too bad but I have travelled a lot and only ever been ill once (in Thailand and I think someone slipped something in my food as I was hallucinating about blue elephants for hours..) so I was surprised. But never fear, I had immodium - I was the travelling medical kit. Just as well.
I spent a good 4 hours on Ancon Beach, which is beautiful. I hired a sun bed, about 2 CUC ($AUD2) for the day and pulled up under a palm tree. The water was clear and very blue, the sand was quite grainy, the water was like a warm bath.. There is a small café in a wall, they come down to the beach and take drink orders, the food is okay too. DO NOT buy food off the vendors who walk along the beach. It is hard to keep food fresh in Cuba and this food has been known to cause terrible food poisoning.
One thing I noted while in Cuba is as much as it is hot and humid, I did not get sun burnt at all. Yes, I wore sun cream but only applied it once a day (naughty) and I was fine. Still take it with you though, better to be safe than sorry.
And that's a wrap for Trinidad. Till tomorrow.
Saturday, 29 October 2016
Welcome to Cuba - Part 3 - Viñales
Sometimes you visit a place and never want to come home. Viñales was that place for me on my Cuba trip.
A town of approximately 9,000 people, it is an agricultural area, where crops of fruit, vegetables, coffee and especially tobacco are grown by traditional methods.
We set off from Havana about 9am and took a leisurely bus trip, arriving in Viñales just after lunch.
My casa was a beautiful home stay run by a lady named Tita and her family. The room was nicely furnished, had air conditioning and an ensuite bathroom (as did all the casa's I stayed in). I shared a room with one of my tour companions, we all did at some stage of the trip.
We explored Viñales by foot - it isn't that big! The tobacco fields were amazing. Everything they do is by hand. On average, one person rolls 5 cigars a day. There is so much love and commitment put into one cigar it is amazing!
By night we were salsa dancing in a club or enjoying a mojito at a local bar. I cannot tell you how cheap things are in Cuba. A mojito is 3 CUC, which is approximately $3AUD (CAD is on par with AUD). Entry to the salsa dancing club was 1 CUC. Needless to say I spent very little during my time in Cuba - maybe 400 AUD. And I lived very well!
As a point of interest; Viñales Valley has been listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
I bought a wifi card while here. I will take the opportunity to tell you about how this works.. Internet is not connected to homes in Cuba (well, legally, although I believe some homes have it). The government controls where you can assess wifi and the internet. You purchase a one hour wifi card from, well I guess it is like a post office. You can line up for hours and hours in the blistering heat to buy them. I am not sure what goes on inside to make it so slow, but there is nothing you can do - it's Cuba!
Once you have your card you go to the area the government has designated at the wifi zone. You can tell this in every town you go to without being told. There are 100's if not 1000's of people in one area. It could be a street, a park, a square.. Anywhere. Of course the issues with 100's of people being in one spot trying to get onto social media means it is VERY slow. FB does not load well nor does Instagram. I used my card to email my dad and tell him I was alive and some friends to let them know the same thing.
This will change, like most things in Cuba, over the next few years. With the embargo coming to an end and more tourists (read; Americans) visiting the country, it will change. But I kind of liked being "off the grid' for most of my time there.
Part 4 will be Trinidad. Stay tuned.
A town of approximately 9,000 people, it is an agricultural area, where crops of fruit, vegetables, coffee and especially tobacco are grown by traditional methods.
We set off from Havana about 9am and took a leisurely bus trip, arriving in Viñales just after lunch.
My casa was a beautiful home stay run by a lady named Tita and her family. The room was nicely furnished, had air conditioning and an ensuite bathroom (as did all the casa's I stayed in). I shared a room with one of my tour companions, we all did at some stage of the trip.
We explored Viñales by foot - it isn't that big! The tobacco fields were amazing. Everything they do is by hand. On average, one person rolls 5 cigars a day. There is so much love and commitment put into one cigar it is amazing!
By night we were salsa dancing in a club or enjoying a mojito at a local bar. I cannot tell you how cheap things are in Cuba. A mojito is 3 CUC, which is approximately $3AUD (CAD is on par with AUD). Entry to the salsa dancing club was 1 CUC. Needless to say I spent very little during my time in Cuba - maybe 400 AUD. And I lived very well!
As a point of interest; Viñales Valley has been listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
I bought a wifi card while here. I will take the opportunity to tell you about how this works.. Internet is not connected to homes in Cuba (well, legally, although I believe some homes have it). The government controls where you can assess wifi and the internet. You purchase a one hour wifi card from, well I guess it is like a post office. You can line up for hours and hours in the blistering heat to buy them. I am not sure what goes on inside to make it so slow, but there is nothing you can do - it's Cuba!
Once you have your card you go to the area the government has designated at the wifi zone. You can tell this in every town you go to without being told. There are 100's if not 1000's of people in one area. It could be a street, a park, a square.. Anywhere. Of course the issues with 100's of people being in one spot trying to get onto social media means it is VERY slow. FB does not load well nor does Instagram. I used my card to email my dad and tell him I was alive and some friends to let them know the same thing.
This will change, like most things in Cuba, over the next few years. With the embargo coming to an end and more tourists (read; Americans) visiting the country, it will change. But I kind of liked being "off the grid' for most of my time there.
Part 4 will be Trinidad. Stay tuned.
Friday, 28 October 2016
Welcome to Cuba - Part 2
You've arrived at your Casa (home stay, essentially similar to a B&B) or hotel (more than likely, if you are on a tour, the Hotel Nacional Cuba).
A Casa is privately owned and there are different "grades": A Guest House through to a Premium Guest House - I am sure you can work out what that means. Here is a link for you to take a look: Cubans Casa's
If you choose a tour they will book your Casa forevery part of your trip. If you choose to travel solo that link will also guide you. Trip Advisor is also a great place to visit to review Cuban Casa's.
I arrived at my Casa just after 1am, I will admit I was freaked out. My Spanish is, well about as good as my Mandarin, so I played charades with my host. She showed me to my room and left me. I wandered out to the terrace and again, I am not ashamed to admit it, I cried because I was so over whelmed by jetlag, the heat and being in someone's home. My feedback is if you can and there is availability, book a hotel - it will be a lot less daunting and your adventure will start off a bit happier than mine.
The next morning my host knocked on the door at 10.30am (when I was finally convinced I was not about to be murdered in my bed, which can I point out is the thoughts of a mad woman overcome by jetlag and exhaustion, as it is such a safe country) I fell asleep for many hours.. I think I was supposed to be out by 10am, but hey ho, I was on Cuba time. My breakfast consisted of very thick mango juice (an acquired taste), cheese, ham, an egg and fresh bread and honey. And coffee. Oh the coffee in Cuba - it is awesome!
A taxi was called and I was on my way to the Hotel Nacional to get ready to join my tour later that night. It reminded me of Raffles in Singapore. I had a beer (local beers are Cristal - a lighter beer and Bucanero - meaning strong beer, they are the most popular AND very good!) and went exploring the grounds. A beautiful old hotel with beautiful grounds. It buzzes day and night.
I took a shower - again a tip, be prepared for minimal water flow in Cuba, it is more a trickle and hot water, even in hotels, is hit and miss, again all a part of the adventure. Forget trying to wash shampoo and conditioner out of your hair in a hurry - I didn't wash my hair for 5 days once I left the hotel... Dry shampoo is your friend - take some with you!!
I will pause now to tell you what you should take with you to Cuba, as most things are not easy to purchase. Sun block (rumour has it the sun block for sale in Cuba is not good, so if you are fair skinned like me, take your own), insect repellant (all roads lead to Bushmans, it is the recommended one as it is the strongest, apparently) - believe me mosquitos are out in full force (and Cuba has the Zika warning at present), some sort of pain relief (I took Heron, I didn't use it but other members of the tour did), small packets of tissues (toilet paper, once you are out of the hotel, is hard to come by), hand sanitizer (I didn't use this but lots of my tour companions did), a good hat with a peak, and lots of cotton clothes - the heat is intense (and I was there in winter) and the humidity is high. Your host at your home stay will offer to do your washing if required, everything came back squeaky clean and in good shape! Oh and take some form or stomach relief (get my drift? Something like Immodium and Buscopan).
I met my tour group at 7pm. An interesting group of varying ages from 31 to 65 - 7 of us in total (a great sized group!)- 4 Australians, 2 English and 1 Swiss. Our tour guide was Tatiana from Peregrine - a fabulous human being! We headed out for our welcome dinner. The meal was good (I will review on Trip Advisor soon, and post links for you to follow). An early night as we headed off early the next morning to Vinales.
More on that tomorrow - a beautiful region of Cuba. Best home stay I had the whole trip!!
Till tomorrow.
A Casa is privately owned and there are different "grades": A Guest House through to a Premium Guest House - I am sure you can work out what that means. Here is a link for you to take a look: Cubans Casa's
If you choose a tour they will book your Casa forevery part of your trip. If you choose to travel solo that link will also guide you. Trip Advisor is also a great place to visit to review Cuban Casa's.
I arrived at my Casa just after 1am, I will admit I was freaked out. My Spanish is, well about as good as my Mandarin, so I played charades with my host. She showed me to my room and left me. I wandered out to the terrace and again, I am not ashamed to admit it, I cried because I was so over whelmed by jetlag, the heat and being in someone's home. My feedback is if you can and there is availability, book a hotel - it will be a lot less daunting and your adventure will start off a bit happier than mine.
The next morning my host knocked on the door at 10.30am (when I was finally convinced I was not about to be murdered in my bed, which can I point out is the thoughts of a mad woman overcome by jetlag and exhaustion, as it is such a safe country) I fell asleep for many hours.. I think I was supposed to be out by 10am, but hey ho, I was on Cuba time. My breakfast consisted of very thick mango juice (an acquired taste), cheese, ham, an egg and fresh bread and honey. And coffee. Oh the coffee in Cuba - it is awesome!
A taxi was called and I was on my way to the Hotel Nacional to get ready to join my tour later that night. It reminded me of Raffles in Singapore. I had a beer (local beers are Cristal - a lighter beer and Bucanero - meaning strong beer, they are the most popular AND very good!) and went exploring the grounds. A beautiful old hotel with beautiful grounds. It buzzes day and night.
I took a shower - again a tip, be prepared for minimal water flow in Cuba, it is more a trickle and hot water, even in hotels, is hit and miss, again all a part of the adventure. Forget trying to wash shampoo and conditioner out of your hair in a hurry - I didn't wash my hair for 5 days once I left the hotel... Dry shampoo is your friend - take some with you!!
I will pause now to tell you what you should take with you to Cuba, as most things are not easy to purchase. Sun block (rumour has it the sun block for sale in Cuba is not good, so if you are fair skinned like me, take your own), insect repellant (all roads lead to Bushmans, it is the recommended one as it is the strongest, apparently) - believe me mosquitos are out in full force (and Cuba has the Zika warning at present), some sort of pain relief (I took Heron, I didn't use it but other members of the tour did), small packets of tissues (toilet paper, once you are out of the hotel, is hard to come by), hand sanitizer (I didn't use this but lots of my tour companions did), a good hat with a peak, and lots of cotton clothes - the heat is intense (and I was there in winter) and the humidity is high. Your host at your home stay will offer to do your washing if required, everything came back squeaky clean and in good shape! Oh and take some form or stomach relief (get my drift? Something like Immodium and Buscopan).
I met my tour group at 7pm. An interesting group of varying ages from 31 to 65 - 7 of us in total (a great sized group!)- 4 Australians, 2 English and 1 Swiss. Our tour guide was Tatiana from Peregrine - a fabulous human being! We headed out for our welcome dinner. The meal was good (I will review on Trip Advisor soon, and post links for you to follow). An early night as we headed off early the next morning to Vinales.
More on that tomorrow - a beautiful region of Cuba. Best home stay I had the whole trip!!
Till tomorrow.
Wednesday, 26 October 2016
Welcome to Cuba!
While I was away and in the 24 hours since I have been back I have received a lot of messages asking me about Cuba - so I decided to put it all in one spot. Right here. I will have to blog it over a few days as there is a lot to tell you - just means you have to visit a few times to get the low down.
Getting to Cuba:
My brother and sister in law have a saying: "Friends do not let friends fly United". I now have a saying: "Friends do not let friends fly Air Canada".
This could be difficult for a while, until the embargo with the US is completely gone, at which time you can fly to Cuba from the US (my understanding, and this could be incorrect, but it was what I was told) is that until the end of November unless you are an American citizen you can't fly to Cuba from the US. Check it out again in December. So at this stage you have the option to fly to Canada and then onto Cuba. At this point remember the above advice: "Friends do not let friends fly United" and "Friends do not let friends fly Air Canada".
It is a long haul. I went from Sydney to Vancouver (14 hours) and then onto Montreal for a wedding and then after a week in Montreal I travelled on. You can go directly to Havana from Vancouver (or if you want to stay and look around Canada, which I recommend you do to break up the trip) you can go from Montreal or Toronto also. This is more expensive than the option I took (Montreal to Havana via Mexico - I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS - this is a 20 hour haul for a trip that can take as little as 5 hours direct from Canada - via Mexico is a cheaper way but it makes it a hard slog for a few days due to the continued jetlag, even though you are on the same time zone as Montreal - note; Vancouver is 3 hours behind Montreal and Toronto).
I went on a tour - I recommend this if you are not a regular traveller - it is a challenging country to navigate on your own, although if you are a seasoned traveller you will be fine without a tour. Tours are: Peregrine, Intredpid and Gecko. All owned and operated by Peregrine. They are just different levels of tour in terms of what you get. Peregrine is the most expensive through to Gecko which is cheapest. I do not know the difference between them other than $'s but I can say I rate Peregrine highly. If you can get a tour with Tatiana as the guide you will have the best time!!
A tour will provide you with a transfer - a relief as I landed at 10.40pm at night. It was about 28 degrees with humidity in the high 90's. I was jet lagged and tired, an air conditioned transfer was a saviour.
Now you are in Cuba:
Just to confuse you, Cuba has 2 sets of currency. The CUP (Cuban Peso) used strictly by locals. And the CUC (Cuban Convertible Peso) used by "foreigners". The next challenge is that Cuban currency is only available in Cuba - and you can really only change Canadian Dollars and Euro. You can take American dollars but an additional 10% charge is put onto the transaction (this may change eventually once the Americans and Cubans become friendlier). DO NOT TAKE AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS - they have no idea what to do with them. The exchange rate as at today, 26 October of Canadian dollars is 1 CUC to 0.74 CAD. Use this link to work through it: Currency Converter
Once you exit via customs (on arrival, be warned it can take hours to clear customs and get your bags - I landed at 10.40pm and got out of the airport at 1am, you are now on "Cuban time"). There are two currency exchanges outside near the taxi rank/pick up area. Again, be prepared for a very long wait - sometimes the line can go for a few hundred metres and you can be in that line for a few hours. No point in getting cranky, everything in Cuba takes a lot longer than the western world, get used to it, it is the way it is and there is nothing worse than a cranky, rude westerner who complains about everything - you have been warned!!).
Only use a certified bank or the hotel to change money. Do not get sucked in by street hawkers, they will sell you the CUP - essentially useless for foreigners (and quite often counterfeit notes). The CUP is used by Cubans for their rations (more on this in another blog) and day to day purchases. You will be charged in CUC everywhere you go. A bank is used by Cubans to pay bills etc, this is why it can take forever. I recommend changing money at hotels (all government owned, more about this later) - you will get a little less than a bank but save hours of time and not have to stand in the heat.
Okay, now you are finally out of the airport, you will head to a hotel or a casa (home stay, very popular and used all over Cuba). But that can wait till tomorrow as I know the above is a lot to take in.
In short: Remember, Cuba is not a western country. Take your patience, leave the attitude at home and prepare for an adventure.. It is a fabulous country - relax and enjoy it.
P.S. You will hear lots of things about what inoculations you should get to visit Cuba - I recommend you talk to your doctor.
Getting to Cuba:
My brother and sister in law have a saying: "Friends do not let friends fly United". I now have a saying: "Friends do not let friends fly Air Canada".
This could be difficult for a while, until the embargo with the US is completely gone, at which time you can fly to Cuba from the US (my understanding, and this could be incorrect, but it was what I was told) is that until the end of November unless you are an American citizen you can't fly to Cuba from the US. Check it out again in December. So at this stage you have the option to fly to Canada and then onto Cuba. At this point remember the above advice: "Friends do not let friends fly United" and "Friends do not let friends fly Air Canada".
It is a long haul. I went from Sydney to Vancouver (14 hours) and then onto Montreal for a wedding and then after a week in Montreal I travelled on. You can go directly to Havana from Vancouver (or if you want to stay and look around Canada, which I recommend you do to break up the trip) you can go from Montreal or Toronto also. This is more expensive than the option I took (Montreal to Havana via Mexico - I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS - this is a 20 hour haul for a trip that can take as little as 5 hours direct from Canada - via Mexico is a cheaper way but it makes it a hard slog for a few days due to the continued jetlag, even though you are on the same time zone as Montreal - note; Vancouver is 3 hours behind Montreal and Toronto).
I went on a tour - I recommend this if you are not a regular traveller - it is a challenging country to navigate on your own, although if you are a seasoned traveller you will be fine without a tour. Tours are: Peregrine, Intredpid and Gecko. All owned and operated by Peregrine. They are just different levels of tour in terms of what you get. Peregrine is the most expensive through to Gecko which is cheapest. I do not know the difference between them other than $'s but I can say I rate Peregrine highly. If you can get a tour with Tatiana as the guide you will have the best time!!
A tour will provide you with a transfer - a relief as I landed at 10.40pm at night. It was about 28 degrees with humidity in the high 90's. I was jet lagged and tired, an air conditioned transfer was a saviour.
Now you are in Cuba:
Just to confuse you, Cuba has 2 sets of currency. The CUP (Cuban Peso) used strictly by locals. And the CUC (Cuban Convertible Peso) used by "foreigners". The next challenge is that Cuban currency is only available in Cuba - and you can really only change Canadian Dollars and Euro. You can take American dollars but an additional 10% charge is put onto the transaction (this may change eventually once the Americans and Cubans become friendlier). DO NOT TAKE AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS - they have no idea what to do with them. The exchange rate as at today, 26 October of Canadian dollars is 1 CUC to 0.74 CAD. Use this link to work through it: Currency Converter
Once you exit via customs (on arrival, be warned it can take hours to clear customs and get your bags - I landed at 10.40pm and got out of the airport at 1am, you are now on "Cuban time"). There are two currency exchanges outside near the taxi rank/pick up area. Again, be prepared for a very long wait - sometimes the line can go for a few hundred metres and you can be in that line for a few hours. No point in getting cranky, everything in Cuba takes a lot longer than the western world, get used to it, it is the way it is and there is nothing worse than a cranky, rude westerner who complains about everything - you have been warned!!).
Only use a certified bank or the hotel to change money. Do not get sucked in by street hawkers, they will sell you the CUP - essentially useless for foreigners (and quite often counterfeit notes). The CUP is used by Cubans for their rations (more on this in another blog) and day to day purchases. You will be charged in CUC everywhere you go. A bank is used by Cubans to pay bills etc, this is why it can take forever. I recommend changing money at hotels (all government owned, more about this later) - you will get a little less than a bank but save hours of time and not have to stand in the heat.
Okay, now you are finally out of the airport, you will head to a hotel or a casa (home stay, very popular and used all over Cuba). But that can wait till tomorrow as I know the above is a lot to take in.
In short: Remember, Cuba is not a western country. Take your patience, leave the attitude at home and prepare for an adventure.. It is a fabulous country - relax and enjoy it.
P.S. You will hear lots of things about what inoculations you should get to visit Cuba - I recommend you talk to your doctor.
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
Time Flies...
It is funny how time flies. I just realised my last blog was the 11 of May. At this stage I will say I now agree with the older you get, the quicker time flies.
I started looking at property to buy again. As I go through the foster to adopt process I am conscious that I need a stable home for a child and renting doesn't make me feel that. However; after attending an open home tonight that was a dog box you couldn't swing Lily (the cat) in, on a main road, with the (very small) bedroom facing said main road, with the real estate guy telling everyone in the place it was "prime location", that has an auction guide of $700K+, I think I just gave in. I am going to be a renter for life if I remain in Sydney. And for at least the next 15 years, if I am successful as a foster parent, I need to stay in Sydney. So renting it is.
I hate the uncertainty of it. While I live in a nice place, a two minute walk from a Westfield (a girls dream!) I have no sense of stability. I guess all people renting feel it. I just never thought I'd feel it at 44 and a half years old. But I won't pay the ridiculous prices Sydney demands for me to own my own home. It puts me in a position where I would be a slave to the corporate world for ever. And I am not sure I want that.
Maybe it is winter, you know, you tend to retreat into yourself for a while until the spring comes and then the sun is on your skin, making you feel alive again.
I don't know. Guess I'll work through it all. Or meet a millionaire. I think I have a safer and better chance of working through it.
Till next time.
Ax
I started looking at property to buy again. As I go through the foster to adopt process I am conscious that I need a stable home for a child and renting doesn't make me feel that. However; after attending an open home tonight that was a dog box you couldn't swing Lily (the cat) in, on a main road, with the (very small) bedroom facing said main road, with the real estate guy telling everyone in the place it was "prime location", that has an auction guide of $700K+, I think I just gave in. I am going to be a renter for life if I remain in Sydney. And for at least the next 15 years, if I am successful as a foster parent, I need to stay in Sydney. So renting it is.
I hate the uncertainty of it. While I live in a nice place, a two minute walk from a Westfield (a girls dream!) I have no sense of stability. I guess all people renting feel it. I just never thought I'd feel it at 44 and a half years old. But I won't pay the ridiculous prices Sydney demands for me to own my own home. It puts me in a position where I would be a slave to the corporate world for ever. And I am not sure I want that.
Maybe it is winter, you know, you tend to retreat into yourself for a while until the spring comes and then the sun is on your skin, making you feel alive again.
I don't know. Guess I'll work through it all. Or meet a millionaire. I think I have a safer and better chance of working through it.
Till next time.
Ax
Wednesday, 11 May 2016
Crikey...
Oh my I know that saying is so Australian.. But I am Australian.. So forgive me.
Today my washing machine decided to pack it in. Water everywhere.. Laundry. Kitchen. Yep. Everywhere. I tried to be McGyver (because I have managed a lot of situations over the last 18 months and I am proud of me!!) but it did not work. Water is water. No matter who you are or where you are.
But I laughed. A lot.
Then I go for my fostering medical. You know what I adore about my doctor? He cares so damn much. I can't be mad he is running 30 minutes late because he over runs my appointments all the time.
I am healthy. I am fine. I am waiting for the next steps of fostering.
Till next time.
P.S. I miss you
Today my washing machine decided to pack it in. Water everywhere.. Laundry. Kitchen. Yep. Everywhere. I tried to be McGyver (because I have managed a lot of situations over the last 18 months and I am proud of me!!) but it did not work. Water is water. No matter who you are or where you are.
But I laughed. A lot.
Then I go for my fostering medical. You know what I adore about my doctor? He cares so damn much. I can't be mad he is running 30 minutes late because he over runs my appointments all the time.
I am healthy. I am fine. I am waiting for the next steps of fostering.
Till next time.
P.S. I miss you
Sunday, 1 May 2016
29 April - Two Anniversaries
The 29th of April marked 2 events.
What I cannot believe is that the anniversary of the murder Myuran and Andrew passed without a lot of comment. It's like as a country we have moved on. We do not care that this callous act was more of a political event than that of a country punishing two people, who had spent 10 years in gaol turning their lives around.
I still refuse to visit Bali. I will not go there regardless of how cheap it is. Do the people of Bali miss out on my tourist dollars? Yes, I suppose so.. But I can't do it.
RIP.
- 26 years since I moved to Sydney. Yes, I had a short hiatus in Qld and Melbourne but Sydney has always been my home.
- 1 year since Myuran Sukumaran and Andrew Chan were sentenced to death - actually, they were murdered, in Indonesia
What I cannot believe is that the anniversary of the murder Myuran and Andrew passed without a lot of comment. It's like as a country we have moved on. We do not care that this callous act was more of a political event than that of a country punishing two people, who had spent 10 years in gaol turning their lives around.
I still refuse to visit Bali. I will not go there regardless of how cheap it is. Do the people of Bali miss out on my tourist dollars? Yes, I suppose so.. But I can't do it.
RIP.
Wednesday, 13 April 2016
Long Lost Families, Love Child & Married at First Sight
I need to stop watching reality television. These days if I am not having a "moment" over Long Lost Families I am having a "moment" when I watch Married at First Sight..
Now before I go into Long Lost Families, I know there is a lot of debate around the show Married At First Sight, can I tell you, there are a lot of people who relate to what these couples are going through. Isn't it the same as an arranged marriage which is common in some cultures? Is it because we are a culture (Australian - is that politically correct?) that means we debate it so fiercely? Yes, I hate the fact that gay marriage isn't legal here and I get a lot of people are pissed we can arrange a marriage for tv ratings but two people, who just happen to be of the same sex, can't get married, but I am not convinced it is wrong.. The tv show that is as not allowing gay marriage is just WRONG!!. Pandora's box really..
But I digress... I m hooked on "long Lost Families". I have to make sure I watch it when I know I can sit in my home and cry like a baby so no one sees me. Which isn't hard these days as I spend quite a bit of time alone with Lily Cat.
Kind of off subject but not totally, I love the show "Love Child". Let me explain why. They tie in.
My mum was pregnant in 1971. She was a single mum. I was born in early 1972 to a single mother. That equals her parents and society being really, well pissed. They sent her to NSW, presumably to one of the "homes" they sent single mothers to in the 70's. But my mum (and you wonder where I get my guts from) dissed that idea big time ran away and caught a train to Newcastle. So the story goes - because really, we have only scratched the surface once or twice. It hurts her too much to talk about and I had a good life, so why bother dragging up the past. She stayed with a friend, I have seen the photos. And then when it was time for me to come along she went home.
There is so much I could say. To try and fill in the blanks. But I can't. All I know is I am very grateful my mum had he guts to fight for me. I watch Love Child and Long Lost Families and over analyse the whole thing (it's a girl thing). My mum could have ended up in one of those homes. I could be that person on Long Lost Families looking for my family. And I am not. Phew.
You fast forward to today and I am so incredibly lucky my mum met my dad. Yep, the man who adopted me when I was about 2, and whose name is on my birth certificate. I have never known anything different. My dad is my rock, the only man I truly love, right now, in my life.
My grand parents forgave my mum, apparently as soon as I was born. I still have the teddy bear my mum was given before I was born.
How lucky am I? So I watch these shows with a certain "I am so incredibly lucky" as I could have been a product of either.
I know this blog is a bit all over the shop but it is hard to get your thoughts down without boring people. So I leave you with this. I sometimes wonder whether my life is a sitcom. I get myself into more interesting situations than most - it has been that way since birth. My life is never dull. Oh it has never been dull. And for the most part, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Now before I go into Long Lost Families, I know there is a lot of debate around the show Married At First Sight, can I tell you, there are a lot of people who relate to what these couples are going through. Isn't it the same as an arranged marriage which is common in some cultures? Is it because we are a culture (Australian - is that politically correct?) that means we debate it so fiercely? Yes, I hate the fact that gay marriage isn't legal here and I get a lot of people are pissed we can arrange a marriage for tv ratings but two people, who just happen to be of the same sex, can't get married, but I am not convinced it is wrong.. The tv show that is as not allowing gay marriage is just WRONG!!. Pandora's box really..
But I digress... I m hooked on "long Lost Families". I have to make sure I watch it when I know I can sit in my home and cry like a baby so no one sees me. Which isn't hard these days as I spend quite a bit of time alone with Lily Cat.
Kind of off subject but not totally, I love the show "Love Child". Let me explain why. They tie in.
My mum was pregnant in 1971. She was a single mum. I was born in early 1972 to a single mother. That equals her parents and society being really, well pissed. They sent her to NSW, presumably to one of the "homes" they sent single mothers to in the 70's. But my mum (and you wonder where I get my guts from) dissed that idea big time ran away and caught a train to Newcastle. So the story goes - because really, we have only scratched the surface once or twice. It hurts her too much to talk about and I had a good life, so why bother dragging up the past. She stayed with a friend, I have seen the photos. And then when it was time for me to come along she went home.
There is so much I could say. To try and fill in the blanks. But I can't. All I know is I am very grateful my mum had he guts to fight for me. I watch Love Child and Long Lost Families and over analyse the whole thing (it's a girl thing). My mum could have ended up in one of those homes. I could be that person on Long Lost Families looking for my family. And I am not. Phew.
You fast forward to today and I am so incredibly lucky my mum met my dad. Yep, the man who adopted me when I was about 2, and whose name is on my birth certificate. I have never known anything different. My dad is my rock, the only man I truly love, right now, in my life.
My grand parents forgave my mum, apparently as soon as I was born. I still have the teddy bear my mum was given before I was born.
How lucky am I? So I watch these shows with a certain "I am so incredibly lucky" as I could have been a product of either.
I know this blog is a bit all over the shop but it is hard to get your thoughts down without boring people. So I leave you with this. I sometimes wonder whether my life is a sitcom. I get myself into more interesting situations than most - it has been that way since birth. My life is never dull. Oh it has never been dull. And for the most part, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sunday, 27 March 2016
Under the Tuscan Sun...
One of my favourite movies... Maybe it is the romance of it all. The female solidarity.. I just know I have to go...
I've been researching like a mad woman. Firstly tours for over 40's. Interestingly enough there are tours for people from 28 to 42 (okay, right about now I admit I am researching tours for singles.. Sigh...). And people (singles) over 45. The only tours I fall in are 42 to 64. What are the odds I'd be the only person in their 40's on the trip? Pretty good I think..
Apparently I fall into the "age black hole".
So if anyone out there knows of a good tour to go on, I'd be very appreciative of advice.
I want to take about a month off (don't tell my boss just yet). I'd like to go at a nice time of the year. I don't want to end up with a group of mature people on zimmer frames (no offence old people). I want to, need to, make new friends. I want to stare in awe at monuments, I want to be so immersed in the trip I forget the last 18 months has been interesting, to say the least. I want to have fun and laugh. I wan to be surrounded by people so I forget the loneliness I feel on a regular basis.
Look forward to your comments and advice.
Axxx
I've been researching like a mad woman. Firstly tours for over 40's. Interestingly enough there are tours for people from 28 to 42 (okay, right about now I admit I am researching tours for singles.. Sigh...). And people (singles) over 45. The only tours I fall in are 42 to 64. What are the odds I'd be the only person in their 40's on the trip? Pretty good I think..
Apparently I fall into the "age black hole".
So if anyone out there knows of a good tour to go on, I'd be very appreciative of advice.
I want to take about a month off (don't tell my boss just yet). I'd like to go at a nice time of the year. I don't want to end up with a group of mature people on zimmer frames (no offence old people). I want to, need to, make new friends. I want to stare in awe at monuments, I want to be so immersed in the trip I forget the last 18 months has been interesting, to say the least. I want to have fun and laugh. I wan to be surrounded by people so I forget the loneliness I feel on a regular basis.
Look forward to your comments and advice.
Axxx
Thursday, 17 March 2016
Tuesday, 15 March 2016
Farmer Wants a Wife
I toyed, briefly, with the idea of applying for the 2017 “Farmer Wants
a Wife”. I’ve watched it a few times and
didn’t find it overly offensive. Maybe
it wasn’t – but after this season I have decided no more. I cannot watch it.
Any who back to me considering applying because it connects this blog
together. Before this season aired I
chuckled to myself about me going on national television and finding the love
of my life who was a farmer and moving back to the land (you may remember, I am
a farm girl originally). I figured the
biggest challenge would be the probability of there being a Westfield within
500 kilometres of the farm; but I am dedicated enough to drive 500kms to go
shopping OR I can learn to love shopping online. So with that challenge overcome, I sat down
to watch the first episode.
Uh yeah. We all know I am
44. This put me in the age category to,
at a stretch, be matched up with Lachie (37 from memory) from Camden (high
fiving myself at this stage, I could probably be at a Westfield within 30
minutes from his farm - he was clearly out in front!!) and Lance (52 from
memory and from somewhere I can’t recall, such was my interest in him). Note; let’s forget Jed, I would have eaten
him alive.
Some of us know Lachie from another reality tv show which didn’t end
happily. I didn’t think much of it and
watched him on FWAW with interest as he got to know the women he chose to attend his "home stay". Ouch.
What an arse. He is actually a
rude, obnoxious nob who doesn’t like strong women. He would rather talk over
women than listen and address what is being said. Good luck Belinda. I think your life at the beach would be more enjoyable than Camden.
And Lance. Can I swear? I mean really badly? Use the bad, bad word everyone hates (but me
apparently)…….. No? Okay, I won’t but be
warned, I came close. What a fucking
horrible human being. I get that channel
whatever it was is responsible for making him look like a fucking horrible
human being but seriously. You
practically destroyed a woman on national tv.
What was the point of that (other than hoping for good ratings)?
Let me tell you Lance and channel whatever you are; life as someone a
little older is freaking hard work on the dating scene. I know this.
I am on that dating scene. I am old. But
that can form part 2 and maybe part 3 another day, as this is about how this
show could be classified as anything but a way to humiliate people?
Yep, their choice to go on the show.
Get that. What I don’t get is how
you think it is appropriate to do that to another human being?
Lisa – my love – you dodged a bullet.
Seriously, you did. You are
brave, smart, funny and beautiful. Your
prince is out there. Lance was not it.
I could ramble for pages but will leave you for now. Let’s explore being 44 and single tomorrow
shall we? God, do I have some stories
for you. The question would be where on
earth would I start? Men with baggage
(enough to fill an A380)? Internet
dating?
Let me ponder and get back to
you.
Monday, 14 March 2016
One of Everything
As summer clicks over into autumn, which is March to anyone out there
from outside Australia, I have just realised I have gotten through a Christmas,
New Years’ Eve, my birthday and Valentines Day on my own. Next to tackle is Easter and then I should be
done. Hopefully. Or, I will just have learned how to manage
it. Dr Phil (disclaimer, I do not watch him,
a friend told me about this segment) apparently says that you need to go
through one of everything in order to start getting over the worst of a
separation/divorce/loss of a loved one.
So one Christmas, one birthday, one anniversary etc – you get my
drift. There may be some truth to
that. Because every day is a little bit
easier than the last. The hardest part
of this whole situation is feeling lonely.
Not all the time, just some of the time.
Recently someone said to me they feel for me not having family in the state
I live and how did I cope on my own without siblings or parents around. And the simple answer is, they haven’t been
around, physically at least, for 26 years.
I don’t deny on a Sunday it would be nice to go and see my dad and mum,
or cook them dinner every now and then.
Or see my niece when I want as opposed to twice a year. But at the end of the day I learned to live without
them in my life a very long time ago.
Doesn’t mean I don’t miss them though.
One of the hardest things to come to terms with, as a single person, is
weekends. There are only so many
weekends you can spend on your own – especially in summer when I want to be
outdoors doing things (it is hard to bbq for one.. So this summer I haven't enjoyed one bbq'd meal - I am gutted! Seriously, I am devastated I just realised that). Don’t get me
wrong I have friends, not squillions but a good few, but they are all married with
kids so the time I spend with them is quality not quantity. Sometimes we go weeks without
communicating. It is just the way it is. In an ideal world I'd be 44 and have a raft of single friends who could go out for dinner or spend the weekend away.. Yeah, that's not reality.
Another challenge is saying out loud you need help. Whether it be to do something domesticated around
the house or because you need advice on something… When you live on your own you don’t want to bother
people, so you tend to try to solve things on your own. The same person who told me they feel for me
not being surrounded by family also gave me some good advice about asking for
help, when I admitted I don’t ever ask.
They said (not verbatim, but you’ll get the drift): “How do you ever
expect people to know you need/want help if you aren’t prepared to ask. The world is too busy today to notice you
need help, you need to ask for it or it’ll just pass you by”. I’ll keep working on that. Maybe one day I will learn to ask for help
out loud. For now the cat has the privilege of listening to me. On the upside I have perfected a lot of "McGyveresque" type maneuvers. Just when I thought I couldn't fix something, hey presto, I come up with a great idea.
So this has to change. This being
lonely thing that is. I have given in
and googled what people can do on their own on weekends. I am now armed with a list of things a mile
long. From going to country markets to
spending a weekend in the mountains at a spa resort (their web site outlines
what I can do there for 24 hours as a single!!) to catching a movie – there are
plenty of things I can do. And I am going
to start doing them. As soon as I get
back from seeing my family. 3 sleeps
till I hug my niece, take the mickey out of my sister and sit there in
companionable silence with my dad just watching tv.
I can sit at home and while the hours away with the cat or I can get off
my butt and get out and about. I’ll do
the latter. Who knows, I may meet new
people and someone to take some of the loneliness out of weekends… Here’s hoping! xx
Monday, 7 March 2016
Fair Weather Friends
My oh my this getting old buso is wrong. In the last few months some friends who I have had in my life since the late 90's/early 2000's have had some really rotten things happen..
But before I go into the rotten things I do want to say...
One of those friends is the step sister of my abusive ex. She, let's call her Maggie, for arguments sake, is the most amazing and wonderful person. Maggie is full of love and just pure joy. When I was with her step-brother (and normally I would not differentiate but in this case I need to) I am not sure she had any idea what was going on. She was so young and carefree. But she was my friend. When I was a size 10 and still thought I was rubbish, she propped me up. We laughed (if you are reading this, remember zooming down the highway back to the Gold Coast singing at the top of our lungs to Faith Hill - I remember like it was yesterday), smoked far too many cigarettes over coffee - at 7am, in Brisbane, while we waited to go to work (hell, we chose to get up at 5am in those days!) and generally just did "happy stuff".
Maggie lost her mum some years ago. Essentially, my ex mother in law. But I didn't know. As we had drifted apart. It was necessary for my healing. We connected again, not sure how (feel free to chime in here Maggie) and it has added such a wonderful dimension to my life again. We are not close, as in besties, but every now and then we reconnect and it feels like yesterday.
We connected again and I was to find out she had also lost her father recently. Essentially leaving her in the world with her husband and her son, which is not alone but can make you feel very vulnerable. I am so sorry my friend, life can be terrible sometimes. I know he was your world. I can't bring him back and I can't fix it. But I can say the sun will shine again one day, I promise.
Another friend is my ballsy American friend, let's call her, Emily. Emily bounded into my life in April 2000 and wow, I never looked back. She kicked me under the table when I called our CEO a self righteous c*** (sorry readers, but he was, he was a right, asshole) and supported me when, surprisingly, I got "retrenched" two weeks later... Again, she has faded in and out of my life for 16 years. We chat occasionally but recently spent a weekend together after the passing of her, well, the love of her life. Only thing is he didn't really know... Well, he did, but it was difficult... I was going to my magical place at the beach and Emily joined me. We drank too much, cried a lot and enjoyed a walk along the beach, where a pod of dolphins magically appeared. About 40 of them. You ask anyone who frequents that beach - it is unheard of. We both think it was the love of her life telling her he was there..
Anyway, where I am going with this is, over the last 18 months I have felt there have been a lot of fair weather friends in my life. But these two remind me that good friends are not people you talk to every day, every week or every month. They are friends who are there, over time and over years. Regardless of circumstance.
Thank you "Maggie" and "Emily". You rock. And you remind me - there are true friends out there who are not fair weather. I look forward to many happy years with you both in it.
Axxxxxxxxxxx
But before I go into the rotten things I do want to say...
One of those friends is the step sister of my abusive ex. She, let's call her Maggie, for arguments sake, is the most amazing and wonderful person. Maggie is full of love and just pure joy. When I was with her step-brother (and normally I would not differentiate but in this case I need to) I am not sure she had any idea what was going on. She was so young and carefree. But she was my friend. When I was a size 10 and still thought I was rubbish, she propped me up. We laughed (if you are reading this, remember zooming down the highway back to the Gold Coast singing at the top of our lungs to Faith Hill - I remember like it was yesterday), smoked far too many cigarettes over coffee - at 7am, in Brisbane, while we waited to go to work (hell, we chose to get up at 5am in those days!) and generally just did "happy stuff".
Maggie lost her mum some years ago. Essentially, my ex mother in law. But I didn't know. As we had drifted apart. It was necessary for my healing. We connected again, not sure how (feel free to chime in here Maggie) and it has added such a wonderful dimension to my life again. We are not close, as in besties, but every now and then we reconnect and it feels like yesterday.
We connected again and I was to find out she had also lost her father recently. Essentially leaving her in the world with her husband and her son, which is not alone but can make you feel very vulnerable. I am so sorry my friend, life can be terrible sometimes. I know he was your world. I can't bring him back and I can't fix it. But I can say the sun will shine again one day, I promise.
Another friend is my ballsy American friend, let's call her, Emily. Emily bounded into my life in April 2000 and wow, I never looked back. She kicked me under the table when I called our CEO a self righteous c*** (sorry readers, but he was, he was a right, asshole) and supported me when, surprisingly, I got "retrenched" two weeks later... Again, she has faded in and out of my life for 16 years. We chat occasionally but recently spent a weekend together after the passing of her, well, the love of her life. Only thing is he didn't really know... Well, he did, but it was difficult... I was going to my magical place at the beach and Emily joined me. We drank too much, cried a lot and enjoyed a walk along the beach, where a pod of dolphins magically appeared. About 40 of them. You ask anyone who frequents that beach - it is unheard of. We both think it was the love of her life telling her he was there..
Anyway, where I am going with this is, over the last 18 months I have felt there have been a lot of fair weather friends in my life. But these two remind me that good friends are not people you talk to every day, every week or every month. They are friends who are there, over time and over years. Regardless of circumstance.
Thank you "Maggie" and "Emily". You rock. And you remind me - there are true friends out there who are not fair weather. I look forward to many happy years with you both in it.
Axxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 8 February 2016
Thanks A Bundle - Life Is Full of Surprises!
Some really cool things have happened in my life over the last 24 hours... The type of things that have put a smile on my face and make me realise that I am in such a good place compared to this time last year...
The first point is HUGE - the others pale in significance but still have gone a long way to making me feel good...
Thanks a bundle, I am feeling pretty good right about now.
The first point is HUGE - the others pale in significance but still have gone a long way to making me feel good...
- I arrive at work today to find a package waiting for me - from Sabah, so it says... It is a postcard and small gift from someone who reads my blog and wanted to say I was an inspiration.. WOW - on so many levels. It was anonymous - which I am going to be honest does worry me somewhat BUT I am also so surprised someone went to so much trouble to send me something with a personalised note. So if you are indeed out there, thank you, you made my day. I'd like to know how you connected my blog to me professionally so if you wanted to comment anonymously I'd appreciate it..
- I was in Bunnings yesterday (yes, I go for the sausage sizzle but I was also pricing blinds and an awning!) and a woman is smiling at me as I approach her. She asks me about my personalised plates on my car, tells me how great they are and she wishes she was "allowed" to get plates that great (I told her I had to get a divorce in order to get them, she laughed a lot and said she was probably too old..) and that she sees me zipping around all the time.. My plates are awesome, if not a bit showy, but who cares I say!
- And finally I had to change an appointment I had today and when I gave the customer service rep my surname, he confirmed my first name and then said "your first name sounds like it should belong to a super hero - it's a really great name".
Thanks a bundle, I am feeling pretty good right about now.
Friday, 5 February 2016
When I See You Again...
One of my favourite songs..
Can you believe I have never seen a "Fast and Furious"? And there is 7 of them?? WTF?? Yes, you probably can.. I am too busy watching chick flicks to watch movies about cars (this was what it was about, right?)..
I had no idea who Paul Walker was.. Ever since this song, I do now.
I have not known the real pain of losing someone too many times.. My pop (Mum's father) passed away in 2002.. June 4 2002 to be precise. That was pain. Gut wrenching, stab me in the heart pain. My pop was my world. He taught me.. Everything...
Okay, for those who read this who know my family, I lost my nan (Dad's mother) in a year soon after.. I remember this only because it was AFL Grand Final Day.. But I can't tell you the year. I am sure my Nan loved me in her own special way, just not the way my Pop loved me.. My family, it is complicated... And best left for another day..
Anyway, back to the song.. Today I found out my great aunt on my mum's side (Pop's sister), has passed away. And I'm so sad.
You told me on my wedding day back in 2004 that I was perfect. That my hour glass figure was coveted in the 1950's through 1970's - and you should know right? You were a mannequin dresser for Grace Bros for many years and dressed many "stars" along with that. You told me no matter how much society dictated I should have a child, it was my decision and the whole world could get stuffed if they thought otherwise. You taught me that parking your car on the street because your garage was filled, wall to wall, with French Champagne just made sense!
Christ this getting old business is wrong. Perhaps I need to learn to seize the moment? Maybe when I wake up tomorrow I will... Perhaps....
RIP Auntie Barbie. You were awesome. I am going to miss you so very much. I am sorry I wasn't a better great niece in your later years.
Can you believe I have never seen a "Fast and Furious"? And there is 7 of them?? WTF?? Yes, you probably can.. I am too busy watching chick flicks to watch movies about cars (this was what it was about, right?)..
I had no idea who Paul Walker was.. Ever since this song, I do now.
I have not known the real pain of losing someone too many times.. My pop (Mum's father) passed away in 2002.. June 4 2002 to be precise. That was pain. Gut wrenching, stab me in the heart pain. My pop was my world. He taught me.. Everything...
Okay, for those who read this who know my family, I lost my nan (Dad's mother) in a year soon after.. I remember this only because it was AFL Grand Final Day.. But I can't tell you the year. I am sure my Nan loved me in her own special way, just not the way my Pop loved me.. My family, it is complicated... And best left for another day..
Anyway, back to the song.. Today I found out my great aunt on my mum's side (Pop's sister), has passed away. And I'm so sad.
Sad I haven't seen her for a long time. Sad I'll never get to say goodbye. Sad I didn't get to tell her awesome she was one more time.
As the words to the song go: "I'll tell you all about it when I see you again".
You taught me that champagne fixes EVERYTHING!!! I even dedicated a blog to you years ago.. You taught me because I don't have chilren I am no lesser a woman. Sadly, probably the last time I spoke to you.. Shame on me.. Getting Old Is A Bitch
You told me on my wedding day back in 2004 that I was perfect. That my hour glass figure was coveted in the 1950's through 1970's - and you should know right? You were a mannequin dresser for Grace Bros for many years and dressed many "stars" along with that. You told me no matter how much society dictated I should have a child, it was my decision and the whole world could get stuffed if they thought otherwise. You taught me that parking your car on the street because your garage was filled, wall to wall, with French Champagne just made sense!
Christ this getting old business is wrong. Perhaps I need to learn to seize the moment? Maybe when I wake up tomorrow I will... Perhaps....
RIP Auntie Barbie. You were awesome. I am going to miss you so very much. I am sorry I wasn't a better great niece in your later years.
Saturday, 30 January 2016
Mitchell Pearce
Earlier this week I had a rather strong opinion about Mitchell Pearce and his "Australia Day antics", shall we call them. I was pretty black and white. I'm taking it back.
As I sit here in the middle of a black out, going into hour 3 of no power, I have had time to think about life was before social media... I was pretty damning of his behaviour and how he had bought his family into disrepute.. Guess what? Flashbulb moment - some of the stuff I got up to in the 90's was pretty... Interesting.. The difference? I had no spot light on me. There was no social media so my parents could see what I'd been up to.. I guess I am lucky to have done all my "stupid shit" long before the internet...
True story.. I was out not long ago, a few champers under the belt and some bright spark wanted to take a photo of me and I said "hell no, I work in the corporate world, and that world does not need to see me after a few champagnes". Aren't I lucky I could say that? Now, it was only me dancing like a loon (no one need see this. EVER!!) but I have a right for the world to not see me being a dick. And guess what? So does he. And every other "role model" in Australia, sport or otherwise.
Yes, I agree they get paid shit loads but at what price? I feel for his parents. I have met Wayne Pearce a few times over the years and he is the kindest human being. He doesn't deserve this. His family don't deserve this. Mitchell doesn't deserve this. He is a human being who made a mistake. A silly, drunken mistake. Okay, he's made a few but if he was "Mr Normal" would we care? No, we would not.
I think if we are going to pour adulation onto these "stars" then there is a big business out there for someone who can truly educate them. I don't have the answer on how to do this. I don't know how we make them understand alcohol and drugs do not maketh the person. I do know it seems more prevalant in males than females. Or maybe it isn't.
I think back to how I defended Ricky Ponting in the 90's (early 2000's) after his "Kings Cross encounter. And how I defended Todd Carney in 2014 (2015?) after his "uh, urination" thing.
If I am grateful for anything it is I am a "no one" in the big scheme of things. I send dumb text messages after too many wines (I am 44, I have sent many, unfortunately..).. I have seen photos of "big nights out" that make my eyes water. The difference? No one is out for my reputation or blood. Yes, I am not a "role model" to the world, but I am a role model to others in my industry. It would pay me to remember that on my next big night out.
I wish you nothing but recovery Mitchell. I wish you nothing but good things in life. If every one in my age bracket (over 40, obviously) had pictures and video of the dumb stuff we did, we'd be sunk. Or at least a lot embarrassed.
As I sit here in the middle of a black out, going into hour 3 of no power, I have had time to think about life was before social media... I was pretty damning of his behaviour and how he had bought his family into disrepute.. Guess what? Flashbulb moment - some of the stuff I got up to in the 90's was pretty... Interesting.. The difference? I had no spot light on me. There was no social media so my parents could see what I'd been up to.. I guess I am lucky to have done all my "stupid shit" long before the internet...
True story.. I was out not long ago, a few champers under the belt and some bright spark wanted to take a photo of me and I said "hell no, I work in the corporate world, and that world does not need to see me after a few champagnes". Aren't I lucky I could say that? Now, it was only me dancing like a loon (no one need see this. EVER!!) but I have a right for the world to not see me being a dick. And guess what? So does he. And every other "role model" in Australia, sport or otherwise.
Yes, I agree they get paid shit loads but at what price? I feel for his parents. I have met Wayne Pearce a few times over the years and he is the kindest human being. He doesn't deserve this. His family don't deserve this. Mitchell doesn't deserve this. He is a human being who made a mistake. A silly, drunken mistake. Okay, he's made a few but if he was "Mr Normal" would we care? No, we would not.
I think if we are going to pour adulation onto these "stars" then there is a big business out there for someone who can truly educate them. I don't have the answer on how to do this. I don't know how we make them understand alcohol and drugs do not maketh the person. I do know it seems more prevalant in males than females. Or maybe it isn't.
I think back to how I defended Ricky Ponting in the 90's (early 2000's) after his "Kings Cross encounter. And how I defended Todd Carney in 2014 (2015?) after his "uh, urination" thing.
If I am grateful for anything it is I am a "no one" in the big scheme of things. I send dumb text messages after too many wines (I am 44, I have sent many, unfortunately..).. I have seen photos of "big nights out" that make my eyes water. The difference? No one is out for my reputation or blood. Yes, I am not a "role model" to the world, but I am a role model to others in my industry. It would pay me to remember that on my next big night out.
I wish you nothing but recovery Mitchell. I wish you nothing but good things in life. If every one in my age bracket (over 40, obviously) had pictures and video of the dumb stuff we did, we'd be sunk. Or at least a lot embarrassed.
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
Recipe for Forgiveness..
You take:
2016 is about:
A favourite line from a movie: "Enough. Enough Now." (Love Actually)
- The love of a very few wonderful people who never gave up (How? Good god, I was a pain in the ass)
- A patient boss (how has he not sacked me yet?)
- 14 months of tears
- The love of a beautiful cat who adores me no matter how much of a horrid mood I'm in (Lily)
- Valium (not recommended)
- A chance meeting with someone who is more broken than you (and my heart goes out to him, sooo much, but I can't fix me and him just now)
- A chance email from someone from your past who has heard you are having hard times (that tells you STOP, ENOUGH)
- Music - all kinds (but gosh Adele rocks, if you want to cry, I recommend her - WELCOME BACK!!!)
- Time
- The love of a very few wonderful people who never gave up (How? Good god, I was a pain in the ass)
- A patient boss (how has he not sacked me yet?)
- 14 months of tears
- The love of a beautiful cat who adores me no matter how much of a horrid mood I'm in (Lily)
- Valium (not recommended)
- A chance meeting with someone who is more broken than you (and my heart goes out to him sooo much, but I can't fix me and him just now)
- An email from someone from your past who has heard you are having hard times (that tells you STOP, ENOUGH)
- Music - all kinds (but gosh Adele rocks, if you want to cry I recommend her - WELCOME BACK!!!)
- Time
- Forgiveness - because you are not the horrid person you were led to believe you are - you are human, you made mistakes - that's life, right?? Yes it is.
2016 is about:
- No more tears (except when I choose)
- No more trying to be perfect - I am who I am
- Moving forward - broken pieces and all - time heals all wounds
- Friends (that never EVER gave up)
- Family
- Lily - #lilythecutestcat
- Music - all kinds (sorry, perhaps no more Adele for the moment BUT welcome back!)
- New friends (who ever you are)
- Old friends (you know who you are)
A favourite line from a movie: "Enough. Enough Now." (Love Actually)
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