Crikey...

Oh my I know that saying is so Australian..  But I am Australian..  So forgive me.

Today my washing machine decided to pack it in. Water everywhere..  Laundry.  Kitchen.  Yep.  Everywhere.  I tried to be McGyver (because I have managed a lot of situations over the last 18 months and I am proud of me!!) but it did not work.  Water is water.  No matter who you are or where you are.

But I laughed. A lot.

Then I go for my fostering medical.  You know what I adore about my doctor?  He cares so damn much.  I can't be mad he is running 30 minutes late because he over runs my appointments all the time.

I am healthy.  I am fine.  I am waiting for the next steps of fostering.

Till next time.

P.S. I miss you

29 April - Two Anniversaries

The 29th of April marked 2 events.

1. 26 years since I moved to Sydney.  Yes, I had a short hiatus in Qld and Melbourne but Sydney has always been my home.
2. 1 year since Myuran Sukumaran and Andrew Chan were sentenced to death - actually, they were murdered, in Indonesia

 I can celebrate my anniversary here every day.  I live in a city that allows that.

What I cannot believe is that the anniversary of the murder Myuran and Andrew passed without a lot of comment.  It's like as a country we have moved on.  We do not care that this callous act was more of a political event than that of a country punishing two people, who had spent 10 years in gaol turning their lives around.

I still refuse to visit Bali.  I will not go there regardless of how cheap it is.  Do the people of Bali miss out on my tourist dollars?  Yes, I suppose so.. But I can't do it.

RIP.

Long Lost Families, Love Child & Married at First Sight

I need to stop watching reality television.  These days if I am not having a "moment" over Long Lost Families I am having a "moment" when I watch Married at First Sight..

Now before I go into Long Lost Families, I know there is a lot of debate around the show Married At First Sight, can I tell you, there are a lot of people who relate to what these couples are going through.  Isn't it the same as an arranged marriage which is common in some cultures?  Is it because we are a culture (Australian - is that politically correct?) that means we debate it so fiercely?  Yes, I hate the fact that gay marriage isn't legal here and I get a lot of people are pissed we can arrange a marriage for tv ratings but two people, who just happen to be of the same sex, can't get married, but I am not convinced it is wrong..  The tv show that is as not allowing gay marriage is just WRONG!!.  Pandora's box really..

But I digress...  I m hooked on "long Lost Families".  I have to make sure I watch it when I know I can sit in my home and cry like a baby so no one sees me.  Which isn't hard these days as I spend quite a bit of time alone with Lily Cat.

Kind of off subject but not totally, I love the show "Love Child".  Let me explain why.  They tie in.

My mum was pregnant in 1971.  She was a single mum. I was born in early 1972 to a single mother.  That equals her parents and society being really, well pissed.  They sent her to NSW, presumably to one of the "homes" they sent single mothers to in the 70's.  But my mum (and you wonder where I get my guts from) dissed that idea big time ran away and caught a train to Newcastle. So the story goes - because really, we have only scratched the surface once or twice.  It hurts her too much to talk about and I had a good life, so why bother dragging up the past.  She stayed with a friend, I have seen the photos.  And then when  it was time for me to come along she went home.

There is so much I could say.  To try and fill in the blanks.  But I can't.  All I know is I am very grateful my mum had he guts to fight for me.  I watch Love Child and Long Lost Families and over analyse the whole thing (it's a girl thing).  My mum could have ended up in one of those homes.  I could be that person on Long Lost Families looking for my family.  And I am not.  Phew.

You fast forward to today and I am so incredibly lucky my mum met my dad.  Yep, the man who adopted me when I was about 2, and whose name is on my birth certificate.  I have never known anything different.  My dad is my rock, the only man I truly love, right now, in my life.

My grand parents forgave my mum, apparently as soon as I was born. I still have the teddy bear my mum was given before I was born.

How lucky am I?  So I watch these shows with a certain "I am so incredibly lucky" as I could have been a product of either.

I know this blog is a bit all over the shop but it is hard to get your thoughts down without boring people.  So I leave you with this.  I sometimes wonder whether my life is a sitcom. I get myself into more interesting situations than most - it has been that way since birth.  My life is never dull. Oh it has never been dull.  And for the most part, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Under the Tuscan Sun...

One of my favourite movies... Maybe it is the romance of it all.  The female solidarity..  I just know I have to go...

I've been researching like a mad woman.  Firstly tours for over 40's.  Interestingly enough there are tours for people from 28 to 42 (okay, right about now I admit I am researching tours for singles..  Sigh...).  And people (singles) over 45.  The only tours I fall in are 42 to 64.  What are the odds I'd be the only person in their 40's on the trip?  Pretty good I think.. 

Apparently I fall into the "age black hole". 

So if anyone out there knows of a good tour to go on, I'd be very appreciative of advice.

I want to take about a month off (don't tell my boss just yet).  I'd like to go at a nice time of the year.  I don't want to end up with a group of mature people on zimmer frames (no offence old people). I want to, need to, make new friends.  I want to stare in awe at monuments, I want to be so immersed in the trip I forget the last 18 months has been interesting, to say the least.  I want to have fun and laugh.  I wan to be surrounded by people so I forget the loneliness I feel on a regular basis.

Look forward to your comments and advice.

Axxx

Internet Dating

Worlds shortest blog.  Well, my shortest blog.  Don't do it.  Ever.

The end. 

Farmer Wants a Wife

I toyed, briefly, with the idea of applying for the 2017 “Farmer Wants a Wife”.  I’ve watched it a few times and didn’t find it overly offensive.  Maybe it wasn’t – but after this season I have decided no more.  I cannot watch it.

Any who back to me considering applying because it connects this blog together.  Before this season aired I chuckled to myself about me going on national television and finding the love of my life who was a farmer and moving back to the land (you may remember, I am a farm girl originally).  I figured the biggest challenge would be the probability of there being a Westfield within 500 kilometres of the farm; but I am dedicated enough to drive 500kms to go shopping OR I can learn to love shopping online.  So with that challenge overcome, I sat down to watch the first episode.

Uh yeah.  We all know I am 44.  This put me in the age category to, at a stretch, be matched up with Lachie (37 from memory) from Camden (high fiving myself at this stage, I could probably be at a Westfield within 30 minutes from his farm - he was clearly out in front!!) and Lance (52 from memory and from somewhere I can’t recall, such was my interest in him).  Note; let’s forget Jed, I would have eaten him alive.

Some of us know Lachie from another reality tv show which didn’t end happily.  I didn’t think much of it and watched him on FWAW with interest as he got to know the women he chose to attend his "home stay".  Ouch.  What an arse.  He is actually a rude, obnoxious nob who doesn’t like strong women.  He would rather talk over women than listen and address what is being said.  Good luck Belinda.  I think your life at the beach would be more enjoyable than Camden.

And Lance.  Can I swear?  I mean really badly?  Use the bad, bad word everyone hates (but me apparently)……..  No?  Okay, I won’t but be warned, I came close.  What a fucking horrible human being.  I get that channel whatever it was is responsible for making him look like a fucking horrible human being but seriously.  You practically destroyed a woman on national tv.  What was the point of that (other than hoping for good ratings)? 

Let me tell you Lance and channel whatever you are; life as someone a little older is freaking hard work on the dating scene.  I know this.  I am on that dating scene.  I am old.  But that can form part 2 and maybe part 3 another day, as this is about how this show could be classified as anything but a way to humiliate people?

Yep, their choice to go on the show.  Get that.  What I don’t get is how you think it is appropriate to do that to another human being?

Lisa – my love – you dodged a bullet.  Seriously, you did.  You are brave, smart, funny and beautiful.  Your prince is out there.  Lance was not it.

I could ramble for pages but will leave you for now.  Let’s explore being 44 and single tomorrow shall we?  God, do I have some stories for you.  The question would be where on earth would I start?  Men with baggage (enough to fill an A380)?  Internet dating? 

 

Let me ponder and get back to you.

 

One of Everything

As summer clicks over into autumn, which is March to anyone out there from outside Australia, I have just realised I have gotten through a Christmas, New Years’ Eve, my birthday and Valentines Day on my own.  Next to tackle is Easter and then I should be done.  Hopefully.  Or, I will just have learned how to manage it.  Dr Phil (disclaimer, I do not watch him, a friend told me about this segment) apparently says that you need to go through one of everything in order to start getting over the worst of a separation/divorce/loss of a loved one.  So one Christmas, one birthday, one anniversary etc – you get my drift.  There may be some truth to that.  Because every day is a little bit easier than the last.  The hardest part of this whole situation is feeling lonely.  Not all the time, just some of the time.

 

Recently someone said to me they feel for me not having family in the state I live and how did I cope on my own without siblings or parents around.  And the simple answer is, they haven’t been around, physically at least, for 26 years.  I don’t deny on a Sunday it would be nice to go and see my dad and mum, or cook them dinner every now and then.  Or see my niece when I want as opposed to twice a year.  But at the end of the day I learned to live without them in my life a very long time ago.  Doesn’t mean I don’t miss them though.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with, as a single person, is weekends.  There are only so many weekends you can spend on your own – especially in summer when I want to be outdoors doing things (it is hard to bbq for one..  So this summer I haven't enjoyed one bbq'd meal - I am gutted!  Seriously, I am devastated I just realised that).  Don’t get me wrong I have friends, not squillions but a good few, but they are all married with kids so the time I spend with them is quality not quantity.  Sometimes we go weeks without communicating.  It is just the way it is.  In an ideal world I'd be 44 and have a raft of single friends who could go out for dinner or spend the weekend away..  Yeah, that's not reality.

 

Another challenge is saying out loud you need help.  Whether it be to do something domesticated around the house or because you need advice on something…  When you live on your own you don’t want to bother people, so you tend to try to solve things on your own.  The same person who told me they feel for me not being surrounded by family also gave me some good advice about asking for help, when I admitted I don’t ever ask.  They said (not verbatim, but you’ll get the drift): “How do you ever expect people to know you need/want help if you aren’t prepared to ask.  The world is too busy today to notice you need help, you need to ask for it or it’ll just pass you by”.  I’ll keep working on that.   Maybe one day I will learn to ask for help out loud. For now the cat has the privilege of listening to me.  On the upside I have perfected a lot of "McGyveresque" type maneuvers.  Just when I thought I couldn't fix something, hey presto, I come up with a great idea.

So this has to change.  This being lonely thing that is.  I have given in and googled what people can do on their own on weekends.  I am now armed with a list of things a mile long.  From going to country markets to spending a weekend in the mountains at a spa resort (their web site outlines what I can do there for 24 hours as a single!!) to catching a movie – there are plenty of things I can do.  And I am going to start doing them.  As soon as I get back from seeing my family.  3 sleeps till I hug my niece, take the mickey out of my sister and sit there in companionable silence with my dad just watching tv.

I can sit at home and while the hours away with the cat or I can get off my butt and get out and about.  I’ll do the latter.  Who knows, I may meet new people and someone to take some of the loneliness out of weekends…  Here’s hoping!  xx