Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran - 29 April 2015

I woke up at 5am this morning but instead of turning over and going back to sleep I immediately checked my phone.  I went to news.com.au convinced that the Indonesian Government would have spared the lives of Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran.  Actually, I wasn't convinced at all.  I was praying it wouldn't tell me that at approximately 3am AEST 12 faceless men with automatic weapons had not killed, sorry, murdered, two young men who had turned their lives around.  I was wrong on all counts.  And I am so damn angry.  I am so damn sad.  I am so damn sickened.

For anyone reading this with a different opinion, that's fine.  But spare me the lecture about how they knew what they were doing and how they rolled the dice and lost.  Spare me the lectures that the drugs they were attempting to smuggle would have killed many more.  I don't disagree that what they did was wrong and they should have been made to pay.  Believe me, I reckon they paid every day they were in that shit hole prison.  Their families paid.  And ultimately they paid.  With their lives.

None of us are perfect.  We've all made mistakes. 

This barbaric act will not stop drugs entering the corrupt cesspool that is Indonesia.  I have no idea how to stop it.  But I can tell you sticking a hood over someone's head, tying them to a pole and taking aim has not solved the drug problem.

This was an act of a government who was flexing muscle.  I cannot fathom the total lack of, hell, anything, but especially the lack of courtesy and respect they showed to the families.  I cannot believe, well actually I can believe, they ignored our governments plea to spare the lives of two young men who made a terrible judgement call over 10 years ago.

Does the name Muhammad Cholili mean anything to you?  It should.  He was the murdering smiling assassin who played a major part in the Bali bombing in October 2005. Killing 20 people.  4 Australians.  He was paroled in August 2014 (Read the Story Here).

This was a man who premeditated the murder of many innocent people.  Yet he roams free.  It is yet another example of it is not what you know in Indonesia, it is who you know.  And how much money you have.

I cried tears today.  I could have cried a waterfall.  It shocked me to the core.  It is 2015 and the date of April 29th will be etched in my memory for ever.  

On this day every year I promise to remember you both. I promise to light a candle and say a prayer for you and your loved ones.  I promise you I will not forget you.

Opinions are divided about whether we as a nation should take a stand and boycott your country.  I know it will not do the people of your land any favours but to be honest, I am fresh out of favours.  I will never step foot in your country.  My taxes have helped pay for the aid your country required over the years. That is where the buck stops for me.  

Rest in peace Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran. 

Life Lessons

I am in the place that makes me happy.  Gerroa.  I haven't ventured here for a while. Life got busy.  Doing stuff.  

I was chatting to a "Gerroa" friend.  And believe me.  You tend to separate your every day life from your "holiday" life.  And I was brutally honest with him.  I am saddened by the lack of, well anything, from people I thought were my friends.  Let me explain...  I think I give a lot.  And I don't expect much in return.  I am a happy person.  I go out of my way to make sure my friends are ok.  But this last 6 months have taught me a lot.  I've learned that people don't like it when the naturally happy person they have always taken for granted becomes, well, a bit sad.

I can count on one hand the people who have kept in contact.  I can count on the one hand the people who have said "are you okay?".

I know people have lives. Busy lives.  But I wonder when people became, detached.

And I am not talking about my "social media" friends.  I am talking about people who have been a part of my life for many years. Every week.  Face to face.

In my life, at present, there is Lily and I.  Lily is a cat, for those who didn't know.  Sometimes I don't venture outside my house for 4 days on end.  And no one knows.  How did I become this person? 

I have come to realise that a lot of my friends are actually not my friends. They added a thin layer of veneer to an empty life.  Thanks for that.

I know I will be okay. I know I will get by.  I know that just because people don't contact you doesn't mean they don't care.  But at the moment I really just want to walk away from my life and be somewhere else.  Not here.

But I do know that one day it will be better.  Just not today and not tomorrow. But one day.