Stop the Violence

Like most of Australia I have been horrified at the domestic violence that has claimed the lives of far too many women this week.  62 in total for the year - averaging 2 women a week who die at the hand of their partners/ex-partners in Australia.  I mean seriously, WTF? How, as a country, do we continue to sweep this under the carpet?

Some of you may remember a blog I wrote back in 2012 (and have published a few times since then, usually in honour of White Ribbon Day that takes place in November each year).  For those of you who haven't read it - here it is: It Can Happen To Anyone

I was one of these women.  I lived in fear for the best part of 7 years.  The abuse started a few months into what seemed, an idyllic relationship and grew, to what I can only describe as, monstrosity over the years.

I've been a great advocate of #stoptheviolence for many years, ever since I had the courage to speak out (it takes years for you to realise it was not your fault and for the fear to subside).  I initially spoke out because I know someone who puts up with, what I classify as, severe mental abuse, and I'd never told her my story.  I wanted to let her know if it can happen to anyone and it is nothing to be ashamed of.  

I wanted to let her know NO ONE deserves this treatment.  No one asks for it.  No one wants it. But unfortunately it happens.  It is an all too common occurrence.  But it is something we, as a country, tend to brush under the carpet.  And it is only because it has actually been reported that anyone is sitting up and taking notice.  And it is only because some serious Australian personalities are actually speaking out and not letting it slide into media history that we are talking about it.

I do want to say I was living on the Gold Coast when I left him (1999/2000).  And the night I "escaped" and found myself booked into a hotel at 2am I did ring the QLD police.  And they did turn up within minutes.  And they did take me seriously (I guess the voice mail on my mobile telling me to get my arse home or he'd hunt me down and kill me was enough for them to know I was petrified).  They insisted I take out an AVO (actually, I think it was law back then, you report domestic violence, they take out an AVO on your behalf, but I could be wrong).  But I was too petrified of the repercussions so instead I begged them not to and that I was leaving the state. I resigned from my job and high tailed it back to NSW within 5 days.  But you can read my story above.

I am angry.  I am saddened.  I am frustrated.  And I don't know how to help other than to say if you are reading this and you need help, you are not alone.  You do not need to "put up" with this.  You do not need to live another day in fear.  But I do know it is not that easy.  

If I can help message me.  But I know you probably won't do that either.  And that makes me feel very helpless.  Like the majority of Australia.

Australia, #stoptheviolence.  Please. There were many times I didn't think I'd survive. I nearly didn't.  And I am thankful every day I did.  I must remember that when life throws me curve balls. As it has done in 2015.  But this year is nothing compared to 1993 to 2000. 

Relax, Breath & Let Go

I saw this clip this morning and it resonated.  We are so "busy being" instead of "doing" it is exhausting.  It isn't just women, it is men too.

2015 hasn't been the finest year and I've tried to keep going as best I can, while sometimes feeling I will explode.  Due to the not so perfect year I have instead put pressure on myself to be the perfect employees, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter.  And I don't think I have perfected anything other than sending myself balmy at times.

It's funny, when someone asked me what I was doing last weekend and I responded with "Nothing, not a thing, I may not even leave my house", I got a look of dismay.  Does spending time looking after me mean I am lazy?  I don't think so.  I think it means I want some time out to do things I want to do not having to shine brightly in a public setting or put on a face of makeup every day (oh is that not the best feeling ever!).  Even if that is just shuffling around my house, pottering in the garden and taking an afternoon snooze on the couch.  It makes me happy.

So watch the clip, take it in (and there are a lot of comments about it being counter productive because it is advertising something - I didn't think that at all.  I thought it was some beautiful, mature aged women giving some advice to the younger generations).

Relax, Let Go and Breath - you will thank yourself for it one day.

Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran - 29 April 2015

I woke up at 5am this morning but instead of turning over and going back to sleep I immediately checked my phone.  I went to news.com.au convinced that the Indonesian Government would have spared the lives of Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran.  Actually, I wasn't convinced at all.  I was praying it wouldn't tell me that at approximately 3am AEST 12 faceless men with automatic weapons had not killed, sorry, murdered, two young men who had turned their lives around.  I was wrong on all counts.  And I am so damn angry.  I am so damn sad.  I am so damn sickened.

For anyone reading this with a different opinion, that's fine.  But spare me the lecture about how they knew what they were doing and how they rolled the dice and lost.  Spare me the lectures that the drugs they were attempting to smuggle would have killed many more.  I don't disagree that what they did was wrong and they should have been made to pay.  Believe me, I reckon they paid every day they were in that shit hole prison.  Their families paid.  And ultimately they paid.  With their lives.

None of us are perfect.  We've all made mistakes. 

This barbaric act will not stop drugs entering the corrupt cesspool that is Indonesia.  I have no idea how to stop it.  But I can tell you sticking a hood over someone's head, tying them to a pole and taking aim has not solved the drug problem.

This was an act of a government who was flexing muscle.  I cannot fathom the total lack of, hell, anything, but especially the lack of courtesy and respect they showed to the families.  I cannot believe, well actually I can believe, they ignored our governments plea to spare the lives of two young men who made a terrible judgement call over 10 years ago.

Does the name Muhammad Cholili mean anything to you?  It should.  He was the murdering smiling assassin who played a major part in the Bali bombing in October 2005. Killing 20 people.  4 Australians.  He was paroled in August 2014 (Read the Story Here).

This was a man who premeditated the murder of many innocent people.  Yet he roams free.  It is yet another example of it is not what you know in Indonesia, it is who you know.  And how much money you have.

I cried tears today.  I could have cried a waterfall.  It shocked me to the core.  It is 2015 and the date of April 29th will be etched in my memory for ever.  

On this day every year I promise to remember you both. I promise to light a candle and say a prayer for you and your loved ones.  I promise you I will not forget you.

Opinions are divided about whether we as a nation should take a stand and boycott your country.  I know it will not do the people of your land any favours but to be honest, I am fresh out of favours.  I will never step foot in your country.  My taxes have helped pay for the aid your country required over the years. That is where the buck stops for me.  

Rest in peace Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran. 

Life Lessons

I am in the place that makes me happy.  Gerroa.  I haven't ventured here for a while. Life got busy.  Doing stuff.  

I was chatting to a "Gerroa" friend.  And believe me.  You tend to separate your every day life from your "holiday" life.  And I was brutally honest with him.  I am saddened by the lack of, well anything, from people I thought were my friends.  Let me explain...  I think I give a lot.  And I don't expect much in return.  I am a happy person.  I go out of my way to make sure my friends are ok.  But this last 6 months have taught me a lot.  I've learned that people don't like it when the naturally happy person they have always taken for granted becomes, well, a bit sad.

I can count on one hand the people who have kept in contact.  I can count on the one hand the people who have said "are you okay?".

I know people have lives. Busy lives.  But I wonder when people became, detached.

And I am not talking about my "social media" friends.  I am talking about people who have been a part of my life for many years. Every week.  Face to face.

In my life, at present, there is Lily and I.  Lily is a cat, for those who didn't know.  Sometimes I don't venture outside my house for 4 days on end.  And no one knows.  How did I become this person? 

I have come to realise that a lot of my friends are actually not my friends. They added a thin layer of veneer to an empty life.  Thanks for that.

I know I will be okay. I know I will get by.  I know that just because people don't contact you doesn't mean they don't care.  But at the moment I really just want to walk away from my life and be somewhere else.  Not here.

But I do know that one day it will be better.  Just not today and not tomorrow. But one day.

Dear Real Estate Property Managers

Dear Real Estate Property Managers

And I use the term property manager loosely.

Thank you for your arrogance, your obnoxious behaviour and your inability to return phone calls. 

Thank you for running late to open houses, which are open for 10 brief minutes per place, 15 if you get a property manager with some sense of a conscience, and thank you your inability to apologise for keeping people waiting.

Thank you for treating people who need to rent, for one reason or another, as another number on your database. 

 

Thank you for looking down your nose at us all with an air of unbelievable arrogance.

Thank you for making the last two weeks of my life even more stressful than it already is.  Your lack of customer service is amazing (and your One Direction copycat hair cuts and crap hipster suits are even more amazing.  Amazingly awful).

After I do find somewhere to live I hope I never come across any of you again.  You hope to “grow up” to be a sales professional in your industry, based on what I have seen I wouldn’t deal with the majority of you. 

I know it is a sellers’ market.  I know rental properties are few and people seeking a home are a plenty.  But the bubble will probably burst.  And I hope you’re caught dead smack in the middle of it and have to learn some humanity.  I hope to run into your again if that day ever comes.  As a buyer.