Hello 2017

So.  2016. You weren't great. But you weren't too bad either.  You were a definite improvement on 2015.  So I'll take that.

As I sit here on NYE still unpacking and trying to find places to stash things (one really needs to declutter in 2017), looking forward to going to a friends house a littler later today to see in the NY, I thought I'd jot a few things down I am grateful for that came out of 2016.

Buying my own home is # 1. I had no idea I could be so happy to get home.  A far cry from living in the ghettos only a few short weeks ago.  It is small, I paid a premium but it is mine and Lil's.

Travelling to Cananda and Cuba for a month is # 2.  Who knew I had it in me, at 44 (ok, nearly 45) to go it alone for that long.  But I did and I am super proud I created so many beautiful memories.

Meeting the person I shall always refer to as "my hippy" is # 3.  It started with a lot of laughs and fun, taught me so much about just breathing and relaxing and then it was over (don't get me wrong it was terribly painful at times, but we tend to remember the good bits, don't we?).  Thank you, you taught me so much.  I still miss you, you were this huge part of my life for 10 months and then you were gone.  As hippies have a tendency to do when they feel tied down.  Be safe, take care of yourself.  I think of you often.

Starting the foster to adopt program is # 4.  I still have a very long way to go but maybe this time next year I will be getting ready to go to the 9pm fireworks instead of the midnight ones?  I live in hope.

2017 is about continuing to learn to relax, breath and being mindful.  It is about forgiveness and letting go of the past.  Getting myself back on track (and I started that this year but it shall continue) and living.  It is being grateful that Lily is happy and content these days, a far cry from 2 years ago.

It is going back to the gym, starting to cook again (I think I have shares in microwave meals, most of them rubbish) and appreciating what is in front of me.

2017 is no more tears.  About getting out there and socialising.  Trying new things.

Happy New Year to anyone out there reading this. I hope the year ahead is filled with love, laughter and new experiences.

Axxxx

My Week In Review

It has been a week..  A week of..  You won't believe it..

Earlier this week:

Tuesday:  I moved house in 39 degree heat.   Who cares I hear you say..  I don't.  But the removalist might of..

Tuesday (part 2):
That moment when you're standing around watching removalists do their thing and say to the 20 year old: "I feel like a shag on a rock". Perfectly innocent saying I thought. But he just looks confused. I realise he has no idea what I'm taking about. Embarrassing. But not as embarrassing at error # 2. Same kid comes down the stairs, head down, saying you've left shoes upstairs. I go to get said shoes. Let's just say he'd unearthed a box (empty) I thought I'd thrown out a long time ago after a hens night. Nope. Dying of laughter all day was I. Cheers. I survived the heat. I moved on the hottest day in Sydney in 150 years. Yep, don't do things in halves.

Thursday:
That moment when you are laying there half asleep, feeling very happy and warm. Suddenly you feel someone pull at your arm so instinctively you let out a blood curling scream and punch your right arm out, connecting with intruders face. Then you feel a searing pain in your right arm and naturally assume you have been stabbed, so again you scream (louder). A second or two passes and you realise you are not in your bedroom but in the consulting room in a doctors surgery and the... person you have punched (in the face) is indeed the doctor who has come to remove the acupuncture needles from your arm. Yep, I hadn't been stabbed, nor had an intruder broken into my house. I had fallen into a deep sleep (how does this happen when you are having acupuncture??) and the searing pain was the pulsating needles I had dislodged from my arm when I punched the doctor in the face. Half the surgery came running and I died 1000 deaths on the bed, wondering how the hell I was going to face the "outside" world. I need a holiday (another one). I have made a hobby of making a moron of myself this week. Oh well, time to find a new acupuncturist I suspect.

Sunday:
Lily is quite the bloody escape artist!! I hung my wreath on my door and she must have slipped past me - so she was out wandering the halls for 15 minutes!! I hear this meowing - couldn't work out where it was coming from - realised, opened the front door and there she is sitting on the mat!!! Turd of a cat. On the upside she knows her new front door.

And finally...  

Sunday:
My dad rang me a while ago. My Nan had a really bad fall yesterday. She has a fractured cheek, broken ribs and a bleed on the brain. There's nothing that can be done.  I haven't seen her in 10 years, my mum hasn't seen her in 15.  It is what it is.  It is another story for another day.  But rest assured there is a conversation to be had in my family.  

Go Nanna, if that is what you want.  I love you so very much.  I am so sorry I haven't seen you, in for ever, it wasn't my fault.  I promise you, you were such an important part of my life and I will remember you always.

Axxxx

Pride

I am so proud of me right now.   So very proud.  I managed, on my own, to buy my own place.  I negotiated with the real estate (quite well may I add), managed my broker (don't be fooled, you've got to stay on top of them) and my solicitor (he's actually very good, old school, but very thorough).

I have spent the last 3 weeks packing, okay, in between melt downs, and planning my move before Christmas.  I have managed a full time job in between doing everything needed to buy a home.  I have tried to plan my trip home (one week after I move) to ensure everyone has presents and the week I am home is filled with love and laughter (not that presents constitute love and laughter but you get my drift, one has to be prepared.  By the way I have failed dismally at this.  Gift vouchers anyone??).

So tomorrow dawns a new day.  It is the day I move forward after an interesting two years?  I ask that as a question as I am still not sure I will get my shit together, but I will give it a damn good try.

2016 was nowhere near as hard as 2015.  Yet it presented its own challenges.  Most wo/man made (read, I created them).  I spent 10 moths "dating" someone and I use the term loosely, only to wake up at the end of 2016 still single (he found internet dating and social media, apparently it was far more interesting than I.  I know, it floored me as well..  I have to say that - it's called self preservation).  Am I sad.  Yes.  Is it going to define me in 2017?  No.

I am moving tomorrow, to my new home, just Lily Cat and I.  I am excited.  Scared.  Worried about being a responsible home owner who needs to shut her mouth at work in order to pay said home loan (save me, god give me strength) and most of all, scared I am going to be lonely.  That's not new - but lonely in a new place in new.

So cross your fingers for me.  This time tomorrow it is all over.  The moving that is.  The rest is all in front of me.

Ax

P.S. I miss you.

White Ribbon Day

The 25th of November signifies a very special place in my heart.  I think we all know that.  White Ribbon Day.  #stoptheviolence

I wrote a blog about five years ago.  You will find it here:  It Can Happen To Anyone

It outlines the life of someone who never thought they would end up in the situation they did.  Once you read that blog, continue on and read how that person still lives with what happened, if not every day, then at least every now and then.

In 2016, 16 years after she left the violence, when she was in a situation where she felt quite safe and okay.  He then raised his hand.  Let me explain.

About 9 months ago, she was with a friend.  Eating dinner. Relaxing on the balcony.  Laughing.  Feeling safe.

He was telling a story.  They were laughing.  So much.  So relaxed.  So happy.  He then threw his hand in the air, to embellish a story.  It was so innocent. 

As he threw his hand she jumped.  She did more than jump.  She shimmied so far away from the table it was like she had heard a bad 80's song and was about to dive under the table, shamed at being caught recognising a song that was so old..

He stopped.  He looked confused.  She was like a deer in head lights.  Then it dawned on him and he said: "I'm sorry, did you think I was going to...  Hit you?.."

It was me.  Of course it was me.  You knew that?  Right?

I didn't tell him the story that night, I created another story that soon had us laughing (something about mosquitos).... I was too ashamed. How do you tell someone about that period of your life?  How do you say "I was that person"?  I was one of the people that the "whiteribbon campaign" is about?

And then I sucked it up.  And I carried on.  Because I am ashamed.  But I shouldn't be.  But I am.  I still have panic attacks.  Occasionally I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest.  I create not so great scenarios in my head.  And then I cop on. 

I am a successful woman.  I have a good job.   I have a good life.  But there are still scars.  But they are in my head.  They are not physical.  Sometimes I wish they were physical.  Because physical scars fade.  Mental scars affect your every day life.  Not every day, but certainly they play a part in the person become.  You do stupid things that you regret 2 minutes later, simply because you have flash backs and react to situations you feel you have no "control over".  You become this person that has to control EVERY outcome.  And that leads to heart ache.  So you see, even 16.5 years later, this period of my life plays a part in my life today.

But I am one of the lucky ones.  I'm here telling you this - so many others are not so lucky.  So I live with my mistakes, I breath and I cop on.

Cuba - Part 4 - Trinidad

Trinidad Cuba not to be confused with Trinidad and Tobago took 8 hours to drive from Havana.It was a long day..

Trinidad is a cobbled town, so don't take your high heels, it is flats all the way!  The roads are uneven and full of pot holes.  It is a quaint town, with a population of approximately 138,000.

I didn't like it nearly as much as Vinales but I suppose that was to be expected as it has a population of about 129,000 more.  The only way I can describe my feelings towards Trinidad is I thought it was sleazy..  This could be because I wandered the town with a few women from the tour and we were propositioned at every new street.  Either that or laughed at.  For what reason we are still not sure.

I really don't have anything else to say about Trinidad, it wasn't my favourite town in Cuba and there were no real redeeming features to be honest..

I stayed in a nice casa but the hosts weren't as friendly as Tita and her family.  I got a little ill here as well.  So did my travelling companion.  As she is a vegetarian we had no food in common for the whole day so I put it down to the welcome guava juice we got when we arrived at our shared casa.  It wasn't too bad but I have travelled a lot and only ever been ill once (in Thailand and I think someone slipped something in my food as I was hallucinating about blue elephants for hours..) so I was surprised.  But never fear, I had immodium - I was the travelling medical kit.  Just as well.

I spent a good 4 hours on Ancon Beach, which is beautiful.  I hired a sun bed, about 2 CUC ($AUD2) for the day and pulled up under a palm tree.  The water was clear and very blue, the sand was quite grainy, the water was like a warm bath..  There is a small café in a wall, they come down to the beach and take drink orders, the food is okay too.  DO NOT buy food off the vendors who walk along the beach.  It is hard to keep food fresh in Cuba and this food has been known to cause terrible food poisoning.

One thing I noted while in Cuba is as much as it is hot and humid, I did not get sun burnt at all.  Yes, I wore sun cream but only applied it once a day (naughty) and I was fine.  Still take it with you though, better to be safe than sorry.

And that's a wrap for Trinidad.  Till tomorrow.

Welcome to Cuba - Part 3 - Viñales

Sometimes you visit a place and never want to come home.  Viñales was that place for me on my Cuba trip.

A town of approximately 9,000 people, it is an agricultural area, where crops of fruit, vegetables, coffee and especially tobacco are grown by traditional methods.

We set off from Havana about 9am and took a leisurely bus trip, arriving in Viñales just after lunch.

My casa was a beautiful home stay run by a lady named Tita and her family.  The room was nicely furnished, had air conditioning and an ensuite bathroom (as did all the casa's I stayed in).  I shared a room with one of my tour companions, we all did at some stage of the trip. 

We explored Viñales by foot - it isn't that big!  The tobacco fields were amazing.  Everything they do is by hand.  On average, one person rolls 5 cigars a day.  There is so much love and commitment put into one cigar it is amazing!

By night we were salsa dancing in a club or enjoying a mojito at a local bar.  I cannot tell you how cheap things are in Cuba.  A mojito is 3 CUC, which is approximately $3AUD (CAD is on par with AUD).  Entry to the salsa dancing club was 1 CUC.  Needless to say I spent very little during my time in Cuba - maybe 400 AUD.  And I lived very well!

As a point of interest; Viñales Valley has been listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

I bought a wifi card while here.  I will take the opportunity to tell you about how this works..  Internet is not connected to homes in Cuba (well, legally, although I believe some homes have it).  The government controls where you can assess wifi and the internet.  You purchase a one hour wifi card from, well I guess it is like a post office.  You can line up for hours and hours in the blistering heat to buy them.  I am not sure what goes on inside to make it so slow, but there is nothing you can do - it's Cuba!

Once you have your card you go to the area the government has designated at the wifi zone.  You can tell this in every town you go to without being told.  There are 100's if not 1000's of people in one area.  It could be a street, a park, a square..  Anywhere.  Of course the issues with 100's of people being in one spot trying to get onto social media means it is VERY slow.  FB does not load well nor does Instagram.  I used my card to email my dad and tell him I was alive and some friends to let them know the same thing.

This will change, like most things in Cuba, over the next few years.  With the embargo coming to an end and more tourists (read; Americans) visiting the country, it will change.   But I kind of liked being "off the grid' for most of my time there.

Part 4 will be Trinidad.  Stay tuned.

Welcome to Cuba - Part 2

You've arrived at your Casa (home stay, essentially similar to a B&B) or hotel (more than likely, if you are on a tour, the Hotel Nacional Cuba).

A Casa is privately owned and there are different "grades": A Guest House through to a Premium Guest House - I  am sure you can work out what that means.  Here is a link for you to take a look:  Cubans Casa's

If you choose a tour they will book your Casa forevery part of your trip.  If you choose to travel solo that link will also guide you.  Trip Advisor is also a great place to visit to review Cuban Casa's.

I arrived at my Casa just after 1am, I will admit I was freaked out.  My Spanish is, well about as good as my Mandarin, so I played charades with my host.  She showed me to my room and left me.  I wandered out to the terrace and again, I am not ashamed to admit it, I cried because I was so over whelmed by jetlag, the heat and being in someone's home.  My feedback is if you can and there is availability, book a hotel - it will be a lot less daunting and your adventure will start off a bit happier than mine.

The next morning my host knocked on the door at 10.30am (when I was finally convinced I was not about to be murdered in my bed, which can I point out is the thoughts of a mad woman overcome by jetlag and exhaustion, as it is such a safe country) I fell asleep for many hours..  I think I was supposed to be out by 10am, but hey ho, I was on Cuba time.  My breakfast consisted of very thick mango juice (an acquired taste), cheese, ham, an egg and fresh bread and honey.  And coffee.  Oh the coffee in Cuba - it is awesome!

A taxi was called and I was on my way to the Hotel Nacional to get ready to join my tour later that night.  It reminded me of Raffles in Singapore.  I had a beer (local beers are Cristal - a lighter beer and Bucanero - meaning strong beer, they are the most popular AND very good!) and went exploring the grounds.  A beautiful old hotel with beautiful grounds.  It buzzes day and night.

I took a shower - again a tip, be prepared for minimal water flow in Cuba, it is more a trickle and hot water, even in hotels, is hit and miss, again all a part of the adventure.  Forget trying to wash shampoo and conditioner out of your hair in a hurry - I didn't wash my hair for 5 days once I left the hotel...  Dry shampoo is your friend - take some with you!!

I will pause now to tell you what you should take with you to Cuba, as most things are not easy to purchase.  Sun block (rumour has it the sun block for sale in Cuba is not good, so if you are fair skinned like me, take your own), insect repellant (all roads lead to Bushmans, it is the recommended one as it is the strongest, apparently) - believe me mosquitos are out in full force (and Cuba has the Zika warning at present), some sort of pain relief (I took Heron, I didn't use it but other members of the tour did), small packets of tissues (toilet paper, once you are out of the hotel, is hard to come by), hand sanitizer (I didn't use this but lots of my tour companions did), a good hat with a peak, and lots of cotton clothes - the heat is intense (and I was there in winter) and the humidity is high.  Your host at your home stay will offer to do your washing if required, everything came back squeaky clean and in good shape!  Oh and take some form or stomach relief (get my drift?  Something like Immodium and Buscopan). 

I met my tour group at 7pm.  An interesting group of varying ages from 31 to 65 - 7 of us in total (a great sized group!)- 4 Australians, 2 English and 1 Swiss.  Our tour guide was Tatiana from Peregrine - a fabulous human being!  We headed out for our welcome dinner.   The meal was good (I will review on Trip Advisor soon, and post links for you to follow).  An early night as we headed off early the next morning to Vinales.

More on that tomorrow - a beautiful region of Cuba.  Best home stay I had the whole trip!!

Till tomorrow.