Thanks A Bundle - Life Is Full of Surprises!

Some really cool things have happened in my life over the last 24 hours...  The type of things that have put a smile on my face and make me realise that I am in such a good place compared to this time last year...

The first point is HUGE - the others pale in significance but still have gone a long way to making me feel good...

1. I arrive at work today to find a package waiting for me - from Sabah, so it says...  It is a postcard and small gift from someone who reads my blog and wanted to say I was an inspiration..  WOW - on so many levels.  It was anonymous - which I am going to be honest does worry me somewhat BUT I am also so surprised someone went to so much trouble to send me something with a personalised note.  So if you are indeed out there, thank you, you made my day.  I'd like to know how you connected my blog to me professionally so if you wanted to comment anonymously I'd appreciate it.. 
2. I was in Bunnings yesterday (yes, I go for the sausage sizzle but I was also pricing blinds and an awning!) and a woman is smiling at me as I approach her.  She asks me about my personalised plates on my car, tells me how great they are and she wishes she was "allowed" to get plates that great (I told her I had to get a divorce in order to get them, she laughed a lot and said she was probably too old..) and that she sees me zipping around all the time..  My plates are awesome, if not a bit showy, but who cares I say!
3. And finally I had to change an appointment I had today and when I gave the customer service rep my surname, he confirmed my first name and then said "your first name sounds like it should belong to a super hero - it's a really great name".

So there you have it.  Sometimes nice things do happen.  It is only Monday and I have a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

Thanks a bundle, I am feeling pretty good right about now.

When I See You Again...

One of my favourite songs.. 

Can you believe I have never seen a "Fast and Furious"?  And there is 7 of them??  WTF?? Yes, you probably can..  I am too busy watching chick flicks to watch movies about cars (this was what it was about, right?)..

I had no idea who Paul Walker was..  Ever since this song, I do now.

I have not known the real pain of losing someone too many times..  My pop (Mum's father) passed away in 2002..  June 4 2002 to be precise.  That was pain.  Gut wrenching, stab me in the heart pain.  My pop was my world.  He taught me..  Everything... 

Okay, for those who read this who know my family, I lost my nan (Dad's mother) in a year soon after..  I remember this only because it was AFL Grand Final Day..  But I can't tell you the year.  I am sure my Nan loved me in her own special way, just not the way my Pop loved me.. My family, it is complicated...  And best left for another day..

Anyway, back to the song..  Today I found out my great aunt on my mum's side (Pop's sister), has passed away. And I'm so sad.

Sad I haven't seen her for a long time.  Sad I'll never get to say goodbye.  Sad I didn't get to tell her awesome she was one more time.
 

As the words to the song go: "I'll tell you all about it when I see you again". 

 

You taught me that champagne fixes EVERYTHING!!!  I even dedicated a blog to you years ago..  You taught me because I don't have chilren I am no lesser a woman.  Sadly, probably the last time I spoke to you..  Shame on me..  Getting Old Is A Bitch

You told me on my wedding day back in 2004 that I was perfect.  That my hour glass figure was coveted in the 1950's through 1970's - and you should know right?  You were a mannequin dresser for Grace Bros for many years and dressed many "stars" along with that.  You told me no matter how much society dictated I should have a child, it was my decision and the whole world could get stuffed if they thought otherwise.  You taught me that parking your car on the street because your garage was filled, wall to wall, with French Champagne just made sense!

Christ this getting old business is wrong.  Perhaps I need to learn to seize the moment?  Maybe when I wake up tomorrow I will...  Perhaps.... 

RIP Auntie Barbie.  You were awesome.  I am going to miss you so very much.  I am sorry I wasn't a better great niece in your later years.

Mitchell Pearce

Earlier this week I had a rather strong opinion about Mitchell Pearce and his "Australia Day antics", shall we call them.  I was pretty black and white.  I'm taking it back.

As I sit here in the middle of a black out, going into hour 3 of no power, I have had time to think about life was before social media...  I was pretty damning of his behaviour and how he had bought his family into disrepute..  Guess what?  Flashbulb moment - some of the stuff I got up to in the 90's was pretty...  Interesting..  The difference?  I had no spot light on me. There was no social media so my parents could see what I'd been up to..  I guess I am lucky to have done all my "stupid shit" long before the internet...

True story..  I was out not long ago, a few champers under the belt and some bright spark wanted to take a photo of me and I said "hell no, I work in the corporate world, and that world does not need to see me after a few champagnes".   Aren't I lucky I could say that?  Now, it was only me dancing like a loon (no one need see this.  EVER!!) but I have a right for the world to not see me being a dick.  And guess what?  So does he.  And every other "role model" in Australia, sport or otherwise.

Yes, I agree they get paid shit loads but at what price?  I feel for his parents.  I have met Wayne Pearce a few times over the years and he is the kindest human being.  He doesn't deserve this.  His family don't deserve this.  Mitchell doesn't deserve this.  He is a human being who made a mistake.  A silly, drunken mistake.  Okay, he's made a few but if he was "Mr Normal" would we care? No, we would not.

I think if we are going to pour adulation onto these "stars" then there is a big business out there for someone who can truly educate them.  I don't have the answer on how to do this.  I don't know how we make them understand alcohol and drugs do not maketh the person.  I do know it seems more prevalant in males than females.  Or maybe it isn't.

I think back to how I defended Ricky Ponting in the 90's (early 2000's) after his "Kings Cross encounter.  And how I defended Todd Carney in 2014 (2015?) after his "uh, urination" thing.

If I am grateful for anything it is I am a "no one" in the big scheme of things.  I send dumb text messages after too many wines (I am 44, I have sent many, unfortunately..)..  I have seen photos of "big nights out" that make my eyes water.  The difference?  No one is out for my reputation or blood.  Yes, I am not a "role model" to the world, but I am a role model to others in my industry.  It would pay me to remember that on my next big night out.

I wish you nothing but recovery Mitchell.  I wish you nothing but good things in life.  If every one in my age bracket (over 40, obviously) had pictures and video of the dumb stuff we did, we'd be sunk.  Or at least a lot embarrassed.

Recipe for Forgiveness..

You take:

• The love of a very few wonderful people who never gave up (How? Good god,  I was a pain in the ass)
• A patient boss (how has he not sacked me yet?)
• 14 months of tears
• The love of a beautiful cat who adores me no matter how much of a horrid mood I'm in (Lily)
• Valium (not recommended)
• A chance meeting with someone who is more broken than you (and my heart goes out to him, sooo much, but I can't fix me and him just now)
• A chance email from someone from your past who has heard you are having hard times (that tells you STOP, ENOUGH)
• Music - all kinds (but gosh Adele rocks, if you want to cry, I recommend her - WELCOME BACK!!!)
• Time

Mix it with:

• The love of a very few wonderful people who never gave up (How? Good god,  I was a pain in the ass)
• A patient boss (how has he not sacked me yet?)
• 14 months of tears
• The love of a beautiful cat who adores me no matter how much of a horrid mood I'm in (Lily)
• Valium (not recommended)
• A chance meeting with someone who is more broken than you (and my heart goes out to him sooo much, but I can't fix me and him just now)
• An email from someone from your past who has heard you are having hard times (that tells you STOP, ENOUGH) 
• Music - all kinds (but gosh Adele rocks, if you want to cry I recommend her - WELCOME BACK!!!)
• Time
• Forgiveness - because you are not the horrid person you were led to believe you are  - you are human, you made mistakes - that's life, right??   Yes it is.

And you've about got it.

2016 is about:

• No more tears (except when I choose)
• No more trying to be perfect - I am who I am
• Moving forward - broken pieces and all - time heals all wounds
• Friends (that never EVER gave up)
• Family
• Lily - #lilythecutestcat
• Music - all kinds (sorry, perhaps no more Adele for the moment BUT welcome back!)
• New friends (who ever you are)
• Old friends (you know who you are)

Thank you so much.  I would have never have made it through.  Honestly.  I would never have made it through.

A favourite line from a movie:  "Enough.  Enough Now." (Love Actually)

Dreams.. What do they mean?

Last night I dreamed I was with work colleagues on a small plane and we were forced to make an emergency landing.  We landed in a small African community in the middle of nowhere.  I wasn't afraid.  The people were friendly and gave us cotton clothing to wear because of the harsh heat.  I emailed my work (which is mad because who has service in the middle of nowhere) and told them we were safe and to come and get us when they could. I don't know which work colleagues I was with nor who the pilot was.  I do remember the plane was a small aircraft, white with red writing (I remember seeing the letters KENY on the side of the plane).  I remember feeling happy and safe but because of the lovely people in the village not because of my work colleagues.  Any interpretation appreciated. 

Stop the Violence

Like most of Australia I have been horrified at the domestic violence that has claimed the lives of far too many women this week.  62 in total for the year - averaging 2 women a week who die at the hand of their partners/ex-partners in Australia.  I mean seriously, WTF? How, as a country, do we continue to sweep this under the carpet?

Some of you may remember a blog I wrote back in 2012 (and have published a few times since then, usually in honour of White Ribbon Day that takes place in November each year).  For those of you who haven't read it - here it is: It Can Happen To Anyone

I was one of these women.  I lived in fear for the best part of 7 years.  The abuse started a few months into what seemed, an idyllic relationship and grew, to what I can only describe as, monstrosity over the years.

I've been a great advocate of #stoptheviolence for many years, ever since I had the courage to speak out (it takes years for you to realise it was not your fault and for the fear to subside).  I initially spoke out because I know someone who puts up with, what I classify as, severe mental abuse, and I'd never told her my story.  I wanted to let her know if it can happen to anyone and it is nothing to be ashamed of.  

I wanted to let her know NO ONE deserves this treatment.  No one asks for it.  No one wants it. But unfortunately it happens.  It is an all too common occurrence.  But it is something we, as a country, tend to brush under the carpet.  And it is only because it has actually been reported that anyone is sitting up and taking notice.  And it is only because some serious Australian personalities are actually speaking out and not letting it slide into media history that we are talking about it.

I do want to say I was living on the Gold Coast when I left him (1999/2000).  And the night I "escaped" and found myself booked into a hotel at 2am I did ring the QLD police.  And they did turn up within minutes.  And they did take me seriously (I guess the voice mail on my mobile telling me to get my arse home or he'd hunt me down and kill me was enough for them to know I was petrified).  They insisted I take out an AVO (actually, I think it was law back then, you report domestic violence, they take out an AVO on your behalf, but I could be wrong).  But I was too petrified of the repercussions so instead I begged them not to and that I was leaving the state. I resigned from my job and high tailed it back to NSW within 5 days.  But you can read my story above.

I am angry.  I am saddened.  I am frustrated.  And I don't know how to help other than to say if you are reading this and you need help, you are not alone.  You do not need to "put up" with this.  You do not need to live another day in fear.  But I do know it is not that easy.  

If I can help message me.  But I know you probably won't do that either.  And that makes me feel very helpless.  Like the majority of Australia.

Australia, #stoptheviolence.  Please. There were many times I didn't think I'd survive. I nearly didn't.  And I am thankful every day I did.  I must remember that when life throws me curve balls. As it has done in 2015.  But this year is nothing compared to 1993 to 2000. 

Relax, Breath & Let Go

I saw this clip this morning and it resonated.  We are so "busy being" instead of "doing" it is exhausting.  It isn't just women, it is men too.

2015 hasn't been the finest year and I've tried to keep going as best I can, while sometimes feeling I will explode.  Due to the not so perfect year I have instead put pressure on myself to be the perfect employees, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter.  And I don't think I have perfected anything other than sending myself balmy at times.

It's funny, when someone asked me what I was doing last weekend and I responded with "Nothing, not a thing, I may not even leave my house", I got a look of dismay.  Does spending time looking after me mean I am lazy?  I don't think so.  I think it means I want some time out to do things I want to do not having to shine brightly in a public setting or put on a face of makeup every day (oh is that not the best feeling ever!).  Even if that is just shuffling around my house, pottering in the garden and taking an afternoon snooze on the couch.  It makes me happy.

So watch the clip, take it in (and there are a lot of comments about it being counter productive because it is advertising something - I didn't think that at all.  I thought it was some beautiful, mature aged women giving some advice to the younger generations).

Relax, Let Go and Breath - you will thank yourself for it one day.