The Bad Pancake Theory

There is a show on Stan called “Younger”.  And I love it. Like, seriously LOVE It.  I won’t ruin it for anyone that hasn’t seen it, which I would assume is most of you, but heads up from me, do yourself a favour and check it out.  Okay, perhaps just the girls, as not sure boys would think it’s that awesome.  But boys - you'd learn a lot, so maybe watch a few episodes!!  

Any who, in Season 3, episode 5, one of the episodes is dedicated to “the bad pancake”.  The theory is you should never be the first person that someone gets involved with once they find themselves newly single.  It will turn out to be an epic failure.  Why you ask?  Well, when you cook a stack of pancakes, the very first one turns out burnt, basically mangled and you have to throw it away.  The analogy is, if you are the first person in someone’s life after a break up, you are that first pancake.  So, expect to be tossed aside eventually.

Watch it here:  The Bad Pancake

Got me to wondering how many times I have been the bad pancake.  And the answer is plenty.  And it will probably happen again.  And how many people have been my bad pancake.  If I am honest, there’s been a few.  Sorry about that.

I guess you can’t help who you fall in love with.  Life wouldn’t be an adventure otherwise.  But I have become more conscious of it.  And if I think I have met someone who has potential, and I am going to be their bad pancake, I will back off, let it play out and if possible, revisit it down the track.  Just makes sense.  I think.  Or perhaps it means it was never meant to be anyway.  Who knows.

Ciao till next time.

Axx

Love is Love; Marriage Equality

Right at this very moment in time I am sad to be an Australian (although, I have to say, probably not as sad as an apparently high percentage of Americans right at this point in time, so I take some comfort from that).

#loveislove - this hashtag never gets old.  And will never get old.  Can someone tell me how one politician, in 2004, can waltz into parliament (or his office, water front mansion, where ever) and sign a document that defines marriage as between a man and a woman BUT another politician can't reverse it by signing another document which says other wise?  It is 2017 and as a nation we need to spend $122M on a postal vote, which could mean 3/5 of f*** all in the long run (I think... ).  I say it could mean 3/5 as I am not convinced that even after we complete this postal vote that marriage equality will happen anyway.

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE IN 2017?  In Australia?  The lucky country?...  When the world is in turmoil, there is war potentially looming and an orange man, inciting hate, is running one of the most powerful country's in the world.  When we have homeless people, children that need help and 1001 other things we could spend $122M on.  But hell no, let's spend our tax money and put it to public vote as to who can marry who.

The church, well let's not start on them - what a gigantic joke that they get to preach to us what is right and what is wrong.  I read a social media post today about how someone went to church at St Marys Cathederal and listened to them preach about how wrong marriage equality is but how they enjoy the ritual.  I suggested they find a new ritual BUT make no judgement on them going to church.  If I go to church (and I don't, but if I did) I'd want to feel calm and connected on another level.  I will just continue to find calm and connected in my own home and in my own way.  Otherwise I may get arrested.  In church. Not a good look.

My dad, my near 70 year old dad, who could have an opinion either way, given his generation, says to me in exasperation the other night: "Who cares who marries who, who are we to say what is right and what is wrong?".  And I reckon if he thinks that way, the rest of us should man/woman up and just vote yes.

I hate the term "gay marriage".  I hate the term "hetro sexual marriage".  It is marriage equality.  It is recognising #loveislove".  We are people.  Human beings.  Families.  Everyone deserves the right to be with the person they love.

I hope as a nation we are mature enough to see this for what it is, something which should be a "no brainer".

No haters thanks.  This is my opinion.  I feel strongly about it.  And last time I checked there is still free speech in Australia.  Unless we feel the need to spend $122M on a postal vote which says otherwise.

0.01%

I am free!  Read into that, unemployed, but free!  I have spent the last few days binging on Netflix, staying in my PJ's and spending the days with my girls (Lily and Poppy, my cats, I am a mad old cat lady).

In between doing this I lunched with an old friend and we ate, we drank, we laughed and we reflected on the last 15 years.  And he made a comment that I could not disagree with.  He said, we, as in he and I (and his family of two beautiful children and lovely wife) are in the top 0.01% of the population (in Sydney).  We suffer no financial hardship.  We can pay our bills and we do not worry where the next dollar comes from.  We can have lunch in nice places, have drinks with friends, buy nice things for our home and just take it day by day.  The only things we want for are things we do not need.  We want them but we do not need them.

We are not lucky.  We made our own luck.  We worked hard.  And we are in an okay position in life.  But it was hard work and sacrifice to get us to this point.

So as I go onto the next chapter, what ever that is, I need to remember that.

Axxxx

A Big Week...

I did three brave things this week.  Although brave could be a bit over stated.  One could be considered idiotic and two brave..

First the idiotic .  I resigned.  I resigned from my job.  The corporate lunacy that has made me sick to the stomach for a while.  I was calm.  Concise.  But I am sad also.  I have spent nearly 6 years of my life there and I have learned so much from so many talented and kind people.  But it is time to go find something new to do - and take a very long break and put myself back together after 3 very long years personally.

The second thing is I finished, for good, with a toxic person in my life.  The one who once upon a time made me smile, who made my do mad things but who ended up being the one person who continually broke my heart.  It was soooo much fun but one of us had to call time.  I called time.  About 14 months too late  But I wasn't always a quick learner.

Third, I hung my hat on trying to get the body corporate in my unit block, the unit I only bought 4 months ago, to listen and act on a leak in my unit that affects not only me but most of them.  They are a bunch of whiny morons who want to complain about EVERYTHING but want to take no action.  They hide behind faceless emails yet we pass one and other in the hall way weekly.  Here's cheers guys - when my roof collapses and everyone is in awe of the how and why, I tried to tell you for months this was a problem. You would not listen.  So now I will wait for it to collapse.  And worry about it then.

I am not sure where I belong anymore.  It's not my old life - those people have no idea how to talk to me these days (point and case at a gathering today for a friend's birthday - I spent 4 hours smiling and trying not to break down - these people were once my friends, so I thought, now they avoid me like the plague, so I spent a lot of time watching the footy and just smiling).  It is not my new life - I haven't managed to make one yet (except with said toxic person, so that's no good).  I just have to keep trying.  But even the strongest people eventually break.  If someone asks me "are you okay" I think I will just break down.  But I probably won't.  I will say I am fine, how are you?  I'll save the break down for the nights.

It's Been a While...

I sometimes wonder if my life is a soap opera..  A comedy..  A drama...  Or just another usual life, on this planet, we call earth.

I've been quiet for a while.  Between moving house, going home for Christmas, New Years, my birthday and work, which is insanely busy, I am just cruising along trying to do the best I can.

Moving into my new home hasn't all been sailing.  I didn't realise how awful body corporates can be when it comes to unit living.  Ouch.  I won't bore you but it ain't pretty.  There is always one..  Or two..  In this case, two...  Who both happen to live on my floor..  I am sure you will hear more about them at some point.  If I can be bothered talking about them.

My mum's health got progressively worse between Christmas and the last few weeks so she is now in permanent care.  Heart breaking but necessary.  My mum is 68.  That is way too young to be in permanent care.  I hope to be out playing golf, travelling the world at 68.  Not stuck in an aged care facility where they "may" or  "my not" get their medication on time (for Parkinson's this is imperative) because they have 70 people to distribute medication to (I am in no way slamming the care facilities, I am slamming the government for under funding for our aged population).

And today I officially withdrew from the foster to adopt program.  It's a really hard slog.  I have lived on tender hooks for 14 months.  Not sure when things would happen, if at all.  I started the process properly a few months ago, then it started, then slowed down and then everything happened with mum and I had to make a choice.  So I made the choice to withdraw.  Broke my heart.  I will never be a mum.  And yet anyone can have children.  They don't have to go through assessments, interviews that last for hours, days of training, obtaining a first aid certificate, planning a bush fire escape, in detail, looking into schools. The list goes on.  Again, I am in no way slamming the organisation I went through, I am sad that the government makes it so hard.  I had a lot to offer.

And then there is Poppy.  My new kitten who brings so much joy to my life and to Lily's life (my spoilt Ragdoll).

And then there is the fact my job is a total pain in the ass BUT due to workplace flexibility, I get to go home to see my dad over Easter and instead of having to fly in and out in 3 or 4 days, I get to spend 11 days there - working for the non public holidays.  So as much as it is a pain in the ass, I persevere. 

This is not a whine.  It is just fact.  I think everyone goes through it.  It is just my way of explaining it.

Till next time.

Axx

Just Another Day...

I just spent a lovely weekend with a girlfriend and her friends on the far Northern beaches of Sydney.  I had such a lovely weekend.  On a boat in Pittwater, swimming, sipping a Corona (or two), meeting new people.  Living.

I saw some of the beautiful houses people live in.  I drank gin and tonic.  I spent some time with some lovely people.  I did it to make sure I get out and about, having lived under a mushroom for a few years.

And then I retuned to my little unit in the south of Sydney.  The one I paid far too much money for.  The one Lily and I call home.  And I smiled.  I walked in the door, opened my windows and doors, dumped my keys on the kitchen bench, and thought "this is my home".  My home.  And Lily's home.  And no matter how small it is, no matter how much I paid too much for it, it is mine.

And I feel a little happier every day.  But I still miss you.  I wonder when that feeling goes away?  Maybe tomorrow, but maybe not.  Either way, I have my home.

xx