Stop the Violence

Like most of Australia I have been horrified at the domestic violence that has claimed the lives of far too many women this week.  62 in total for the year - averaging 2 women a week who die at the hand of their partners/ex-partners in Australia.  I mean seriously, WTF? How, as a country, do we continue to sweep this under the carpet?

Some of you may remember a blog I wrote back in 2012 (and have published a few times since then, usually in honour of White Ribbon Day that takes place in November each year).  For those of you who haven't read it - here it is: It Can Happen To Anyone

I was one of these women.  I lived in fear for the best part of 7 years.  The abuse started a few months into what seemed, an idyllic relationship and grew, to what I can only describe as, monstrosity over the years.

I've been a great advocate of #stoptheviolence for many years, ever since I had the courage to speak out (it takes years for you to realise it was not your fault and for the fear to subside).  I initially spoke out because I know someone who puts up with, what I classify as, severe mental abuse, and I'd never told her my story.  I wanted to let her know if it can happen to anyone and it is nothing to be ashamed of.  

I wanted to let her know NO ONE deserves this treatment.  No one asks for it.  No one wants it. But unfortunately it happens.  It is an all too common occurrence.  But it is something we, as a country, tend to brush under the carpet.  And it is only because it has actually been reported that anyone is sitting up and taking notice.  And it is only because some serious Australian personalities are actually speaking out and not letting it slide into media history that we are talking about it.

I do want to say I was living on the Gold Coast when I left him (1999/2000).  And the night I "escaped" and found myself booked into a hotel at 2am I did ring the QLD police.  And they did turn up within minutes.  And they did take me seriously (I guess the voice mail on my mobile telling me to get my arse home or he'd hunt me down and kill me was enough for them to know I was petrified).  They insisted I take out an AVO (actually, I think it was law back then, you report domestic violence, they take out an AVO on your behalf, but I could be wrong).  But I was too petrified of the repercussions so instead I begged them not to and that I was leaving the state. I resigned from my job and high tailed it back to NSW within 5 days.  But you can read my story above.

I am angry.  I am saddened.  I am frustrated.  And I don't know how to help other than to say if you are reading this and you need help, you are not alone.  You do not need to "put up" with this.  You do not need to live another day in fear.  But I do know it is not that easy.  

If I can help message me.  But I know you probably won't do that either.  And that makes me feel very helpless.  Like the majority of Australia.

Australia, #stoptheviolence.  Please. There were many times I didn't think I'd survive. I nearly didn't.  And I am thankful every day I did.  I must remember that when life throws me curve balls. As it has done in 2015.  But this year is nothing compared to 1993 to 2000. 

Relax, Breath & Let Go

I saw this clip this morning and it resonated.  We are so "busy being" instead of "doing" it is exhausting.  It isn't just women, it is men too.

2015 hasn't been the finest year and I've tried to keep going as best I can, while sometimes feeling I will explode.  Due to the not so perfect year I have instead put pressure on myself to be the perfect employees, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter.  And I don't think I have perfected anything other than sending myself balmy at times.

It's funny, when someone asked me what I was doing last weekend and I responded with "Nothing, not a thing, I may not even leave my house", I got a look of dismay.  Does spending time looking after me mean I am lazy?  I don't think so.  I think it means I want some time out to do things I want to do not having to shine brightly in a public setting or put on a face of makeup every day (oh is that not the best feeling ever!).  Even if that is just shuffling around my house, pottering in the garden and taking an afternoon snooze on the couch.  It makes me happy.

So watch the clip, take it in (and there are a lot of comments about it being counter productive because it is advertising something - I didn't think that at all.  I thought it was some beautiful, mature aged women giving some advice to the younger generations).

Relax, Let Go and Breath - you will thank yourself for it one day.